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¡¶ October ¡·
| Open Poetry #30 |
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¡¶ October ¡· |
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chinesestone Member
since 2003-06-04
Posts 76China |
¡¡¡¡ ¡¶ October ¡· The feet is similarly pure in the memory with the arm once I were washded and brushed ,some people begin run to the north Some birds start to change residencing to go to the south like a atubborn people,I start to hoard some leafs and the corn and take the surplus desire went to cold This is the best way to go through a river Abandon some thing and the other things October is beautiful The days when I leaved are gray, no rain But I do not fear that,I will remember each place I passed by Count from onet to one hundred,then forget them gradually like a game,I have no excessive words for me So does the life,I love my countryside,houseand a woman Even some Irrelevant things,I know Those fishs and the fruit are kind,at a certain They are maturity together, with this city Become to my lover that I love deeplies I love her coquettish and noble I have made a promise,before the spring I will not abandon them leave a message: http://shanshangshi.miciti.net/showarticle.asp?ArticleID=28668 [This message has been edited by chinesestone (12-08-2003 12:40 AM).] |
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ecrivan Member Elite
since 2001-12-10
Posts 3923my own state |
Nice effort! It is admirable for you to try to express yourself in another language, yet you'd do well to have the poem proofread before posting it...for starters, I can't understand some of the words here.After looking a second time I'd say that a few are two words stuck together so deeplies should be deep lies. Then there is a question of syntax for some of the lines too. In English we never use the article 'the' before the name of a month so the line starting with "The October" would read better if it began with 'October'. If you want to use the worth the, then the line should be begin with "The month of October". "The October is the beauty" would read better as "October is beautiful". Welcome to Passions and continue to write  [This message has been edited by ecrivan (12-08-2003 12:07 AM).] |
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chinesestone Member
since 2003-06-04
Posts 76China |
thank you for your words,i like poetry,and i also want to study anglish,so i come here. i hope you can help me. best wiahes. my email 93055251@163.com |
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