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Open Poetry #30

Atmosphere

alan6501
Member

since 2004-01-03

Posts 89
PA

0 posted 2004-01-10 04:07 PM

ATMOSPHERE

Enter Love.
Gushing through with electric skill
A glue that holds each piece together

This is the glimmer of hope
In a world of darkness

Enter Devastation.
Creeping through the crevices of a happy life
An opposite that attracted your strengths

This is the acid rain
In a dry atmosphere

Enter Loneliness.
Encompassing each moment of forced laughter
An entity that resulted from a false outlook

This is the snag
In your well-being

Enter Time.
Ticking each second of life away
A force that is reckoned with silently

This is your friend
And greatest enemy…

***********************************************

I think this could be stronger. What do you guys think?

Michelle_loves_Mike

Senior Member

since 2003-12-20

Posts 1189
Pennsylvania

1 posted 2004-01-10 04:20 PM

it well gets your feelings accross,,,,,,i like it
Michelle

I wish all could find the true happiness I have found,,in the eyes of Mike

DavePage
Member Elite

since 2003-12-21

Posts 2917

2 posted 2004-01-11 03:39 PM

You've gone too deep for me.

I can't too be honest moved beyond your titles.

I can undertand your headings

Enter Love.
Gushing through with electric skill
A glue that holds each piece together

This is the glimmer of hope
In a world of darkness

Yes

Enter Devastation.
Creeping through the crevices of a happy life
An opposite that attracted your strengths

This is the acid rain
In a dry atmosphere

Decomposing a building of love with reality

Enter Loneliness.
Encompassing each moment of forced laughter
An entity that resulted from a false outlook

This is the snag
In your well-being

Enter Time.
Ticking each second of life away
A force that is reckoned with silently

This is your friend
And greatest enemy…

Screwed it because I trusted someone with my heart and not my mind

***********************************************

I think this could be stronger. What do you guys think?

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