My first attempt at free verse

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Open Poetry #29

My first attempt at free verse

allamericanjoe
Member

since 2003-10-02

Posts 116
Iredell county, NC

0 posted 2003-10-14 02:36 PM

She Makes Me Feel...

She comes to me in
daydreams.
Sunlight shining off of her
flowing tresses of auburn
delight.
So beautiful.
My tongue twists, my
words lose intelligibility. My face
locked
in an immutable smile.  My heart climbs
uncontrollably.
Desperately seeking the back of my throat.
Perhaps to untangle my tongue?
My knees, which normally serve me well
falter,
weaken,
shake,
totter.
I feel as though I might
collapse.
My breath comes in
gasps,
short,
shallow,
barely enough oxygen to sustain
my frame.
My heart rate climbs unchecked until
I hear the beat of my
heart in my head.
Resounding like archaic drums, passing
messages
To some far away ally.

"The secret of life is enjoying the passage of time"  ~James taylor~

[This message has been edited by allamericanjoe (10-14-2003 03:33 PM).]

allamericanjoe
Member

since 2003-10-02

Posts 116
Iredell county, NC

1 posted 2003-10-14 02:39 PM

I don't know if this is even close. But I tried. Thanks to enchantress... you inspired my interest in this form. Feel free to correct my mistakes. I wish to learn from the masters! lol thanks everyone!

jellybeans
Member Elite

since 2000-10-13

Posts 2298

2 posted 2003-10-14 02:49 PM

I like, I like, you describe the feeling very well....from one free verser to another you get a high five *smile*

SharaRose
Member Elite

since 2003-07-19

Posts 2501
Somewhere out there~

3 posted 2003-10-14 05:01 PM

Very nice.
Love,
Terri~

Enchantress
Member Empyrean

since 2001-08-14

Posts 35113
Canada eh.

4 posted 2003-10-14 05:21 PM

Joe, you have picked up on the form quickly and beautifully!!

This is so lovely...very much enjoyed.
And, I am flattered to have been of some inspiration.
~Smiles, Hugs and

, Nancy~

~Autumn, the year's last, loveliest smile~

Nan

Administrator

Member Seraphic

since 1999-05-20

Posts 21191
Cape Cod Massachusetts USA

5 posted 2003-10-14 06:25 PM

Joe - I'm a structured verser myself - but this seems to take on those free versers in style...

Robert Frazier
Senior Member

since 2003-02-06

Posts 1014

6 posted 2003-10-14 06:27 PM

well done!

Rf

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