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Open Poetry #29
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Aenimal
Member Rara Avis
since 2002-11-18
Posts 7350
the ass-end of space

0 posted 2003-10-14 12:42 PM


a drop of thought
becomes a deluge
and I am drowned
in a mythical We
that subsides
in the eerie calm
of reality
the I of this storm

From the minute you saw it
by the time it left my mouth
i knew you wouldn't want it
but i had to let it out  ~Sarah Harmer

© Copyright 2003 raphael giuffrida - All Rights Reserved
inkedgoddess
Member Rara Avis
since 2002-11-19
Posts 7392
Ohio
1 posted 2003-10-14 12:48 PM


just gotta ride the waves and hang on, fellow
fishie

Aenimal
Member Rara Avis
since 2002-11-18
Posts 7350
the ass-end of space
2 posted 2003-10-14 12:53 PM


Ya know i'm also a Dragon so how come I get all the pisces baggage and none of the Dragon's power anymore...grumble
pandonov
Member
since 2003-10-03
Posts 478
b/w conscience and insolence
3 posted 2003-10-14 01:00 PM


finally u posted something, it was worth the wait thou great depth
Cpat Hair
Deputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Patricius
since 2001-06-05
Posts 11793

4 posted 2003-10-14 01:02 PM


raph... a good piece that catches the elements of rain and storms without the overworked and overused presentations it is so easy to fall into...

short verse seems to suit you well and the distilling of the essence into just a few words and to make that...poetry. is not an easy thing to do..

as for dragons and power..lol.. we make our own power my friend and we must find it first to be able to lean or call on it..


Martie
Moderator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-09-21
Posts 28049
California
5 posted 2003-10-14 01:13 PM


Raph...I always feel strength and surety in your poetry, especially when you admit to vulnerability.  Liked this one for those reasons.  Hugs!
Aenimal
Member Rara Avis
since 2002-11-18
Posts 7350
the ass-end of space
6 posted 2003-10-14 01:51 PM


Thanks pandonov much appreciated

Thanks Ron, sometimes i wish to write a longer piece but they seemed forced or they ramble. As for the dragon I'm still searching for that power lost it somewhere with my marbles

Martie thank you, I wish i felt that surety hugs

Earth Angel
Member Empyrean
since 2002-08-27
Posts 40215
Realms of Light
7 posted 2003-10-14 02:18 PM


You truly do have a talent for writing succinctly! Brevity suits you--and I enjoy  surfing your thoughts with you!

I was also struck by the Captain's reply and your amusing comeback.

Happy autumn!

EA

P.S. Sending you some marbles in every colour of the rainbow!

Aenimal
Member Rara Avis
since 2002-11-18
Posts 7350
the ass-end of space
8 posted 2003-10-14 02:33 PM


thanks Linda, as long as there's some steelies catseyes get boring..
Janet Marie
Member Laureate
since 2000-01-22
Posts 18554

9 posted 2003-10-14 08:13 PM


a drop of thought
becomes a deluge
===================
and? sometimes it turns into poetry....
like this.
Enjoyed your play on theme, metaphor and personifi..and you do it with succinct tight symbolism...no words wasted.
well done poet sir.
(cool signature lyric as well)

every time I talk to you its over too soon
every day feels incomplete till you walk into the room
just say the words, I'll jump that moon.

D.Gray

Wind
Deputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Elite
since 2002-10-12
Posts 2981

10 posted 2003-10-14 08:19 PM


I'd start calling you 'cutie' or something.

but then I'd scare myself and you so I've ruled that out.

grr....your words are..all...good. and stuff.
wishing I could write like you....

I mean it Raph.

oh and its like that thing I was telling sers people...the whole lungs thing....about thats what I mean about wind...like not a storm but loss of wind...

i love irony. see how rediculously socialy deprived I am today? grr..

What about China? Have you seen the Great Wall?
All walls are great, if the roof doesn't fall.
-yorke/bjork

littlewing
Member Rara Avis
since 2003-03-02
Posts 9655
New York
11 posted 2003-10-14 10:28 PM


Raph:

a couple of things:

I just noticed your signature
(you just put it here didn't you?)
*smiling at that . . . actually
well *shutting mouth*)

second, this reminded me of
that tune by Pearl Jam  . .
(Ocean?)  I'llll ride the wavvve . . .
where it takkkes meeeeeeeeeee

and this:

As for the dragon I'm still searching for that power lost it somewhere with my marbles

. . .  they must have taken his marbles awayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy . . .

*smiling*

and for the write?
he is there, always was
xxoo

Enchantress
Member Empyrean
since 2001-08-14
Posts 35113
Canada eh.
12 posted 2003-10-14 10:33 PM


May I just say... WOW!!!!
Hugs~

~Autumn, the year's last, loveliest smile~

Aenimal
Member Rara Avis
since 2002-11-18
Posts 7350
the ass-end of space
13 posted 2003-10-14 10:52 PM


Thanks JM and yup gotta love Sarah Harmer though I'm not sure if she's been discovered south of the border?

Liz gotta hand it to you, you always make me smile and social awkwardness just means yer not a sheep although for all i know you could be hairy and hang out on people's lawns

Thanks Sue..crazeeeee over the rainbow he is crazeee truly gone fishing..si!

Nancy you may and may i say thanks..

From the minute you saw it
by the time it left my mouth
i knew you wouldn't want it
but i had to let it out  ~Sarah Harmer

icebox
Member Elite
since 2003-05-03
Posts 4383
in the shadows
14 posted 2003-10-14 11:59 PM


There are heavy rains and strong winds all around me tonight.  I have no doubt the Dragons are flying.  Your poem fits in nicely for me. (I bet you didn't know what a gift it would be!)  Thanks for sharing it.
gemjop
Member Elite
since 2002-11-18
Posts 2587
Pencilveinia, USA
15 posted 2003-10-15 11:10 AM


~the I of this storm~

I love how you worded this. we are, often the makers of our own bad weather.

this is a new favourite of mine, of your poems. does that read right? who gives a..

~I wanna live, I wanna give, I've been a miner for a heart of gold~  Neil Young

Earth Angel
Member Empyrean
since 2002-08-27
Posts 40215
Realms of Light
16 posted 2003-10-15 11:40 AM


I'm with you! Cats eyes can get boring! I'll send you milkies, rootbeers, steelies, crocks and jumbo crocks, robin's eggs, oilies...and any other sort that suits your fancy!


EA

EvocativeVerse2
Senior Member
since 2003-09-10
Posts 1279

17 posted 2003-10-15 11:52 AM


Wonderful, great, perfect, wish I had written it, from one dragon to another! Well done!

Remember, if you're not part of the future, you're history!

Gina Culliney
Member
since 2003-03-08
Posts 170

18 posted 2003-10-15 02:46 PM


I loved the last line.  The I of the storm, reminds me of the eye of an hurricane,  Well penned and tightly written.
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