Killing me Softly -- with Cpat Hair

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Greeneyes

Member Rara Avis

since 2000-09-09

Posts 9903
In Your Poetic Mind

0 posted 2003-10-13 02:24 PM

Some, the words
   falling from lines left
most likely thought of someone else
still sing to me a tune
          resonate in engage of air to lung
my heart skips....
              one more note this time
one more chord

    inside
where inner reflection
is caught on whispering wings
some reverie

that sends dusk sliding
to dawn    woven  tapestry
of all  small lines
           strung in weave
dark could grow, but you add reprieve
with a smile that begs me reach

into the layers of blackness
bare  the sea
   open--empty
imagine the dance --
weightless   and longing
  I am but a touch   of softness
some passing sound to kindle kind
              hope
something inside be found

other than pretend in pretentious
laugh
                self conscious to the end
refrain though I might

be the impalpable ash
near the fire
   the slow autumn    of  red branches
the forgotten roots of
flowers    seeking   your lips
engulf me

                               ...please....
on sheets once white
                   lie lines of notes you aligned
to waltz of gentle trembled song
can you see
                   to you
I belong?

pressing emotion      time is silent
the ocean will stir  flowing tides   &
tranquility of  darkness

your breath    echoes
every chamber of my    soul
transformed

to softly die arpeggio

yet, the dance remains

Sunshine

Administrator

Member Empyrean

since 1999-06-25

Posts 63354
Listening to every heart

1 posted 2003-10-13 02:29 PM

to softly die arpeggio

yet, the dance remains

~*~

Oh good grief...
I love it.

Mistletoe Angel

Member Empyrean

since 2000-12-17

Posts 32816
Portland, Oregon

2 posted 2003-10-13 02:34 PM

"your breath echoes
every chamber of my soul
transformed

to softly die arpeggio

yet, the dance remains"

(smiles) Yay!!! BRAVO!!! Oh Lauren and Ron, this is beautiful, sweet friend, and arpeggios never truly die, as like the ocean waves, they reach their high and low pitches and they are destined to start up again! (big hugggssssss) God Bless You Both, sweet friend, I love this, we all love you so much! You have such beautiful hearts, sweet Lauren and Ron, thank you for sharing!

May love and light always shine upon you both!

Love,
Noah Eaton

I don't need no proof when it comes to God and truth
I can see the sun set and I perceive

***Live***

Magnus

Member Laureate

since 2001-10-10

Posts 14135
South Carolina, USA

3 posted 2003-10-13 02:37 PM

Hehe, and he says I am the romantic, sheesh..

I got news for him....for them both.

This was one heckuva romantic piece,
so light, yet so intense...

Well done to you both....

And Ron, keep digging bud...keep digging..

Martie

Moderator

Member Empyrean

since 1999-09-21

Posts 28049
California

4 posted 2003-10-13 02:40 PM

Lauren and Ron

Like a warm river over naked skin...this was!

Susan Caldwell
Member Rara Avis

since 2002-12-27

Posts 8348
Florida

5 posted 2003-10-13 02:50 PM

Very well done to the both of you!

Susan

Midnitesun

Member Empyrean

since 2001-05-18

Posts 28647
Gaia

6 posted 2003-10-13 02:52 PM

OMG, this one kills me so softly and sensually. Good grief! And I'm supposed to finish this day without a constant SIGH?

Beautifully written.

Robert Frazier
Senior Member

since 2003-02-06

Posts 1014

7 posted 2003-10-13 02:52 PM

a beautiful dance, indeed!

Rf

Cpat Hair

Member Patricius

since 2001-06-05

Posts 11793

8 posted 2003-10-13 02:54 PM

Sunshine... Lauren of course deserves credit for the ending... and for most of the content. I as usual..went along for the journey into a true poets mind..and struggled as best I could to keep up with her..

Noah.. you sweet friend..are always a ray of joy.. thank you for the comments

Barry... lol... Sir.. Lauren obviously led the way here, and adds the depth to romantic.. how could one not end up influenced by her skill and grace with words?
as for digging..lol.. it's not the digging that gets you...it's when they put you in the hole and cover you up..

Martie.. you kind lady.. should know how the river feels... since you enjoy it so much.. I'm glad you found the words plaesing..and for that..I again give credit to Lauren.

Susan.. thank you... always a pleasure to write with a poet like Lauren and to follow her lead.

K... you might as well expect a sigh or two when Lauren sets her words to ink.. I know I usually end in a sigh when I read her..and working with her on a poem..indeed.. out of my league, but an expereince to make me sigh.

Robert.. thank you sir. The music and dance sincerely a pleasure to compose..

[This message has been edited by Cpat Hair (10-13-2003 02:57 PM).]

Janet Marie
Member Laureate

since 2000-01-22

Posts 18554

9 posted 2003-10-13 02:54 PM

Some, the words
   falling from lines left
most likely thought of someone else
still sing to me a tune
          resonate in engage of air to lung
my heart skips....
              one more note this time
one more chord

    inside
where inner reflection
is caught on whispering wings
some reverie

that sends dusk sliding
to dawn    woven  tapestry
of all  small lines
           strung in weave
dark could grow, but you add reprieve
with a smile that begs me reach

==============================

be the impalpable ash
near the fire
   the slow autumn    of  red branches
the forgotten roots of
flowers    seeking   your lips
engulf me

                               ...please....
on sheets once white
                   lie lines of notes you aligned
to waltz of gentle trembled song
can you see
                   to you
I belong?

pressing emotion      time is silent
the ocean will stir  flowing tides   &
tranquility of  darkness

your breath    echoes
every chamber of my    soul
transformed

to softly die arpeggio
=============================

*you both can see me smiling, right?*

moth giddy? OH YEAH

Killing me softly?
this moth will die 1000 deaths if this is the soft place I get to fall....

Im reeeeeeaaaaaaly liking the way you two rub off on one another.
poetically speaking of course yayaya

I'm bringin a bill to the floor for a vote...

Ron and Lauren must duet at least once a day-- OH OK, thats just moth greedy LOL-- once a week?

--OH OK once a month.

See how reasonable I am when giddy? LOL

anyone second my motion? heh

"Nature's first green is gold,
Her hardest hue to hold."
"So dawn goes down to day ...
Nothing gold can stay."

~Frost~

Enchantress
Member Empyrean

since 2001-08-14

Posts 35113
Canada eh.

10 posted 2003-10-13 02:54 PM

This..this is...oooh gawd!!
SO...damn good!
I am speechless...talk about a dance!
All I can say is BRAVO!!
..I did not want this piece to end.
I do hope you will du-et again for us.
Hugs~

~Autumn, the year's last, loveliest smile~

Local Parasite

Member Elite

since 2001-11-05

Posts 2527
Transylconia, Winnipeg

11 posted 2003-10-13 02:55 PM

At first I thought the title was "Killing me Softly with Cpat Hair," which would have been understandable.

Romantic collaborations always work really well. Why, back in the old days, I wrote many a fine romantic collaboration meself. I love how your words compliment one another, the genuine contrast that is inherent instead of forced out by a single author. Your chemistry really comes through in this.

Free verse still eludes me, but you guys obviously have it figured out... good work.

Parasite

Faith is a fine invention
When gentlemen can see
But microscopes are prudent
In an emergency.
~~~Emily Dickinson

Greeneyes

Member Rara Avis

since 2000-09-09

Posts 9903
In Your Poetic Mind

12 posted 2003-10-13 02:59 PM

Ron,

your words are far too kind....this is an equal duet....:kiss; kind sir, tis always a pleasure to read your words and experience the images......

__________

Thank you all for the words of heart, and for taking time to read....

one and all....

__________

JM LOL once a week? once a month? I would not be able to keep up with his talent....thanks sweet lady

I appreciate you and your kindness sooooooo much.....

Sunnyone
Member Ascendant

since 2000-07-06

Posts 5334
Staffordshire, England

13 posted 2003-10-13 03:25 PM

All I can add is "Encore!!!!" A duet of perfection here, and like the song of the same title, it will keep dancing through my mind! ~S~

Accept these small gifts from my gypsy heart ~S~

Aenimal
Member Rara Avis

since 2002-11-18

Posts 7350
the ass-end of space

14 posted 2003-10-13 04:20 PM

I was bitterly dissappointed with this duet, not in the words but that they came to an end...

[This message has been edited by Aenimal (10-13-2003 08:18 PM).]

Janet Marie
Member Laureate

since 2000-01-22

Posts 18554

15 posted 2003-10-13 10:04 PM

back for another *sigh*

me thinks this poem begs a sequel

hehehe...the moth is insatiable you know.

"Nature's first green is gold,
Her hardest hue to hold."
"So dawn goes down to day ...
Nothing gold can stay."

~Frost~

Aenimal
Member Rara Avis

since 2002-11-18

Posts 7350
the ass-end of space

16 posted 2003-10-14 07:32 AM

bump and yeah..sequel or maybe a serial instead..grin

Sudhir Iyer
Member Ascendant

since 2000-04-26

Posts 6943
Mumbai, India : now in Belgium

17 posted 2003-10-14 03:27 PM

duet... again

do it again ... and again ... and again...

please..............

regards
sudhir
p.s. so what took you so long to get started, huh?

Marge Tindal

Member Empyrean

since 1999-11-06

Posts 42384
Florida's Foreverly Shores

18 posted 2003-10-14 03:36 PM

GreenEyes & CPat~
So delicately and intricately woven ... lacing perfection`

GREAT READ~
*Huglets*
~*Marge*~

~*When the heart grieves over what it has lost,
the spirit rejoices over what it has left.
- Sufi epigram
noles1@totcon.com

Sunshine

Administrator

Member Empyrean

since 1999-06-25

Posts 63354
Listening to every heart

19 posted 2003-10-14 04:54 PM

MOTH'S MOTION SECONDED.

DO I HEAR EVERYONE SAYING YEA?

vandana

Member Patricius

since 1999-10-22

Posts 10463
USA

20 posted 2003-10-14 04:59 PM

lovely duet

jellybeans
Member Elite

since 2000-10-13

Posts 2298

21 posted 2003-10-14 05:05 PM

wow.......am speechless.....*nods head* yep, speechless.......*whew*

suthern

Member Seraphic

since 1999-07-29

Posts 20723
Louisiana

22 posted 2003-10-15 11:15 AM

   the slow autumn    of  red branches
the forgotten roots of
flowers    seeking   your lips
engulf me

                               ...please....
on sheets once white
                   lie lines of notes you aligned
to waltz of gentle trembled song
can you see
                   to you
I belong?

pressing emotion      time is silent
the ocean will stir  flowing tides   &
tranquility of  darkness

your breath    echoes
every chamber of my    soul
transformed

This satisfied something deep inside me... I wanted to stay in that place. *S* But then, of course I read the responses... and between JM's mothy enthusiasm and LP's comment, laughter took over. *G*

You can keep trying to give each other credit till doomsday... or put your pens into another collaboration as we applaud you both? *G* Excellent!!

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