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Greeneyes

Member Rara Avis

since 2000-09-09

Posts 9903
In Your Poetic Mind

0 posted 2003-10-11 09:50 PM

I stand

the sound of waves breaking
inside  me--

I went to the shore,

to blend,    to form
with life, the still life
the wetness of  water

drinking  slowly

it draws you in becomes a sin
of nature     an everlasting

reminder of how far the
shore can be

--slowly I become baffled
by the bending of earth and
how the horizon  turns

upside down, spilling all thoughts
of sanity forming a river
of darkness--

I stood untouched,
untold from gathering moments
of reality,

from where I use to be,
raking leaves in colorful
emotion

watching the dance
consume

closer to a breeze
of any last idea I might own

but am I aware, how I dared
my mouth to speak

to allow words,
spilling in a fumble
from my lips

I did, it made its echo, a
presentation to fertile
flowers

waiting for April rain
to soak the green
and live in unity

brush me with your lips
--in tender movements--

as I gather myself
a rendition of excitement
in allowing my breath

to bend earth
for my tears

[This message has been edited by Greeneyes (10-11-2003 09:51 PM).]

Local Parasite

Member Elite

since 2001-11-05

Posts 2527
Transylconia, Winnipeg

1 posted 2003-10-11 09:55 PM

Anyone who knows me knows that I love symbolism. I really am in love with the entrance of this poem, the waves crashing inside of you, and yourself going to the shore---going for a walk inside of yourself? An elegant transition into what could have been a difficult concept to express. Your use of such symbolism in this poem is subtle and effective. I admire that in a poet.

Very nice work, Lauren... I'll hopefully get the chance to read you again.

Parasite

Faith is a fine invention
When gentlemen can see
But microscopes are prudent
In an emergency.
~~~Emily Dickinson

BluesSerenade
Member Patricius

since 2001-10-23

Posts 10549
By the Seaside

2 posted 2003-10-11 10:06 PM

I stand

the sound of waves breaking
inside  me--

I went to the shore,

to blend,    to form
with life, the still life
the wetness of  water

drinking  slowly

it draws you in becomes a sin
of nature     an everlasting

reminder of how far the
shore can be

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

This is what I love about your writing~
You leave me holding my breath, always Lauren~

Ratleader

Member Rara Avis

since 2003-01-23

Posts 7026
Visiting Earth on a Guest Pass

3 posted 2003-10-11 10:22 PM

A fine piece of writing here -- had me holding my breath....

~~(¸¸¸¸ºº> ~~(¸¸¸¸ºº> ~~(¸¸ ¸¸ºº> ~~~(¸¸ER¸¸ºº>
______________Ratleader______________

Enchantress
Member Empyrean

since 2001-08-14

Posts 35113
Canada eh.

4 posted 2003-10-12 09:17 AM

Exquisite...absolutely beautiful Lauren.
Hugs~

~Autumn, the year's last, loveliest smile~

Sunshine

Administrator

Member Empyrean

since 1999-06-25

Posts 63354
Listening to every heart

5 posted 2003-10-12 09:20 AM

you make me think

of circles
and evers

and reasons for.

ice
Member Elite

since 2003-05-17

Posts 3404
Pennsylvania

6 posted 2003-10-12 09:50 AM

A Zen-like poem, especially here

"I stood untouched,
untold from gathering moments
of reality,"

Excellent poetry...

>>>ice<<<

Nan

Administrator

Member Seraphic

since 1999-05-20

Posts 21191
Cape Cod Massachusetts USA

7 posted 2003-10-12 12:55 PM

How far the shore can be - even when standing upon its shoals - This is very nice, Greeneyes...

Martie

Moderator

Member Empyrean

since 1999-09-21

Posts 28049
California

8 posted 2003-10-12 01:32 PM

Lauren...you write on the edge between spirit and human..it is a lovely place!

Mistletoe Angel

Member Empyrean

since 2000-12-17

Posts 32816
Portland, Oregon

9 posted 2003-10-12 03:17 PM

(smiles) Oh Lauren, your poetry is always a gentle and colorful gravitational pull, sweet friend, and may the waves always be magneted your way wih ebbed blessings and may you rake acryllics of joy always in the autumn patches! (kiss on cheek) God Bless You, sweet friend, we all love you so much! You have such a beautiful heart, sweet Lauren, thank you for sharing!

May love and light always shine upon you!

Love,
Noah Eaton

I don't need no proof when it comes to God and truth
I can see the sun set and I perceive

***Live***

vandana

Member Patricius

since 1999-10-22

Posts 10463
USA

10 posted 2003-10-12 04:32 PM

nice read

Magnus

Member Laureate

since 2001-10-10

Posts 14135
South Carolina, USA

11 posted 2003-10-12 05:19 PM

How do I add a comment without repeating
what everyone else thinks of this?

Maybe I won't need to...

you set the limit, and for you it is beyond
the heavens, as the earth slowly curves
before you.

ctowen
Member Elite

since 2001-10-18

Posts 2286
Green Mountains of VT

12 posted 2003-10-12 08:52 PM

Only bends in wait of one's return ...

such a wait goes full circle.

Cpat Hair

Member Patricius

since 2001-06-05

Posts 11793

13 posted 2003-10-13 08:39 AM

yeah.... you can blend the words...that bend me..lol..

as usual.. I'm just here with my mouth open..and going back to read again..

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