»
Archives
»
Open Poetry #27
»
Journey - Collaberation With Skyfire
| Open Poetry #27 |
|
Journey - Collaberation With Skyfire |
|
Marshalzu  
since 2001-02-15
Posts 2681Lurking 
|
I sit detached from all the straight faced people as I ride the bus. the bell rings but I don’t see the future only my stop Functioning on autopilot I descend to the cold cement and continue on my way. My thoughts are far from here focused on the jaded light which has covered my world A long white road awaits my weary tread hard feet, cold earth and all edged in lush gardens of decay I blink not at the scent of a love killed before it was allowed to flourish and I hide my scorn of anything emotional As I pass the locked gate black iron wrought in hellish heat Cerberus yaps as the night consumes the day I pause, in wait, for the fabled Light knowing not if it can pierce my Dark as the howls of the dog sing to my ears a song of my own soul even kittens can kill [This message has been edited by Marshalzu (06-21-2003 07:26 PM).] |
||
| © Copyright 2003 Andrew Sewell - All Rights Reserved | |||
|
vlraynes Member Rara Avis
since 2000-07-25
Posts 8229Somewhere... out there... |
Andrew & Rhonda~ Wow...you two keep writing stuff like this, and I might have to let you play together more often.  You did a great job on this...had me hanging on every word. Excellent! Hugs,  ~Vicky "...until you have read the verse on his heart, |
||
|
Magnus
since 2001-10-10
Posts 14135South Carolina, USA |
You both did very well, conveying the feel of the poem within both one and the other. |
||
|
littlewing Member Rara Avis
since 2003-03-02
Posts 9655New York |
This is brilliant! You guys have accurately described a day in the life . . . Awesome job guys xxoo |
||
|
skyshine
since 2002-02-07
Posts 3058Beneath the northern stars |
This is very well done, you two! Darkly desciptive....I felt a bitter sort of sadness when I read this. I hope you write more collaborations!  ~Elizabeth Dreams last for so long, even after you're gone... |
||
|
Skyfire
since 2000-12-27
Posts 3381Riding |
Andrew: thank you for the opportunity to write with you again, I thoroughly enjoyed doing this one, I apologise for the unstructuredness of it (is that even a word?), but hey... when you write with me, you never know what you're going to get. I don't know the meaning of the word structure lol. For something that took on a mind of its own and went its own way, it's not too shabby, eh? Just lemme know when you want to do another one *hint hint* Vicky: Yes I get to play with Andrew more!!!  Notice most of the errors you pointed out are fixed... lol. Thank you for your reply, it means a lot to me Magnus: thank you this one was a bit different for us, cause I wouldn't let him change anything that I wrote but it seems to have worked out well hehe.littlewing: if only you knew lol. I'd let you in on the secret, but I don't even know where my half of this came from... I think I have a lot of pent up anger or something... *grin* skyshine: a bitter sort of sadness eh? Excellent, I was really hoping that that would come across. I have a right though, don't you think? lol. I hope we write more collaberations too... Who knows, maybe I'll get him into writing with my wild disregard for structure (yeah right)... It is said the Creator has taken a handful of South Wind and given each newborn Arabian the power of flight without wings |
||
|
Kielo Senior Member
since 2002-02-11
Posts 1109 |
A wonderful poem, both of you. (I'm a genius, Skyfire. You can't deny it. hehehe) Kielo Everything we do in life we do for a first time and a last. We usually remember the first, but rarely suspect the latter. |
||
|
PoetryIsLife
since 2001-10-27
Posts 1763...in my boxers... |
Damn good, you two. It was an amazing piece of despair, detachment, calloused misconceptions becoming clarified. Superb. ~Titus "On the plains of Hesitation lie the blackend bones of countless millions, who, at the verge of victory, sat down to wait, and waiting - died." |
||
|
vlraynes Member Rara Avis
since 2000-07-25
Posts 8229Somewhere... out there... |
 ...just because. "...until you have read the verse on his heart, |
||
|
gemjop Member Elite
since 2002-11-18
Posts 2587Pencilveinia, USA |
wow, so many fave parts of this, i guess i just love it. very well done you two, emotions like blood dripping slowly and painfully down the page...ooooh love it. love gem xxx |
||
|
|
⇧ top of page ⇧ |
|
| All times are ET (US). All dates are in Year-Month-Day format. | ||
