Breakdown (Rita's kitchen continues)

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Duncan
Member Ascendant

since 2001-08-07

Posts 5455

0 posted 2003-05-04 04:27 PM

The flow of dishes tapered off
around midnight, then we began
what Joe aptly termed breakdown.
It looked to me like the kitchen
was being dismantled and rebuilt into
a hot, greasy, metal sculpture, grotesquely
spreading in all directions around me.

Sauté pans, scorched black and still spitting,
exploded as hot oil met soupy sink water
making me to wonder why I'd bothered
with the apron.

I heard a voice yell, 'Incoming!' an instant before
a rubber spatula
bounced off the back of my head.

'That means yer s'posed to duck Goob',
Joe alerted me a bit too late.

Just when I was thinking the night
would never end, I heard someone ask,
'You boys want a hand?' and turned
to see the guy Jean had been talking to
earlier in the day,
before this culinary twilight zone had begun.

'Nah, we're okay' and 'Sure, that'd be great',
came Joe's and my responses, in unison.

'Make a decision, I'm not offering twice', he seemed impatient,
downing the last of a beer, still frosty in his hand.

I spoke up quickly, before Joe
could turn the guy down again,
'Man, I'd really appreciate the help.
At this rate, I'm gonna be here all night'.

'Maybe into morning', he chuckled,
tying on an apron and nodding
for me to step aside.

Martie

Moderator

Member Empyrean

since 1999-09-21

Posts 28049
California

1 posted 2003-05-04 04:30 PM

Duncan...Very real life feelings here...maybe you should own a restaurant. (or write a novel)

Sunshine

Administrator

Member Empyrean

since 1999-06-25

Posts 63354
Listening to every heart

2 posted 2003-05-04 04:46 PM

Hey Goob! Martie's got a good idea...start a restaurant for novelists...wanna be poets, and green writers....

I'll even help in the kitchen.

Promise....

Can't you just see the fun we'd all have?

Here...get the apron strings for me, will you?

'Bout time the story continued....

[i know i know i know...he's still out in the jungle somewhere...]

regards2you
Member Elite

since 2002-10-01

Posts 3940
California

3 posted 2003-05-04 05:38 PM

Love these slices of life....blink once and all kinds of tiny, unnoticed things happen..great writer...

and then........what happens...

Enjoying these, Hugs, Pat

Duncan
Member Ascendant

since 2001-08-07

Posts 5455

4 posted 2003-05-04 05:52 PM

Martie, Kari---Thanks and great idea! What should we call it?

Pat---Just waiting on Cpat Hair to catch up and we'll all find out what happens next.

BluesSerenade
Member Patricius

since 2001-10-23

Posts 10549
By the Seaside

5 posted 2003-05-04 07:56 PM

I'm gonna be here all night, maybe into morning, or was that mourning?

I've heard it said, my cup runneth over,
it's nothing like my kitchen sink.
Maybe I should invest in the top of line,
dishwasher, something that works for me?
ya think? Love the smiles you bring Duncan~

Janet Marie
Member Laureate

since 2000-01-22

Posts 18554

6 posted 2003-05-04 07:59 PM

Call it "Green Fried Poets"

I'll be back ... yayayaya

Janet Marie
Member Laureate

since 2000-01-22

Posts 18554

7 posted 2003-05-04 08:06 PM

It looked to me like the kitchen
was being dismantled and rebuilt into
a hot, greasy, metal sculpture, grotesquely
spreading in all directions around me.

Sauté pans, scorched black and still spitting,
exploded as hot oil met soupy sink water
making me to wonder why I'd bothered
with the apron.

I heard a voice yell, 'Incoming!' an instant before
a rubber spatula
bounced off the back of my head.

'That means yer s'posed to duck Goob',
Joe alerted me a bit too late.

Just when I was thinking the night
would never end, I heard someone ask,
'You boys want a hand?' and turned
to see the guy Jean had been talking to
earlier in the day,
before this culinary twilight zone had begun.

===============================

Having worked in restaurants for years...I know these scenes well..and you conjure up many memories with these images and clever lines of sarcastic, sardonic humor.
Nothing like a food fight to relive the stress of a long rush

So..the Capt does dishes too?
Send the boys over...I gotta a sinkful

OK--the moth is back and caught up on this series...so wheres the next one???
Slackers .... lmao

Duncan
Member Ascendant

since 2001-08-07

Posts 5455

8 posted 2003-05-04 08:48 PM

Blue---This one's name was Vulcan. Worked hard, was pretty quiet! Thanks for smiling.

JM---How 'bout Deep Fried Poets???
Don't know where the Capt is, he sometimes naps after dinner...
Has trouble keeping up with my quick mind, ya know.

But that's okay, we'll wait.....

Sunshine

Administrator

Member Empyrean

since 1999-06-25

Posts 63354
Listening to every heart

9 posted 2003-05-05 08:52 AM

Fried Green Poets....

I think you're on to sumpin....

Enchantress
Member Empyrean

since 2001-08-14

Posts 35113
Canada eh.

10 posted 2003-05-05 09:14 AM

Yup I agree...Fried Green Poets!
This is excellent Dunc.
Great imagery...love the storyline.
~Hugs~

~Somewhere in my heart I'm always
dancing with you in the summer rain~

Cpat Hair

Member Patricius

since 2001-06-05

Posts 11793

11 posted 2003-05-05 02:48 PM

Just waiting on Cpat Hair to catch up and we'll all find out what happens next

hey as old as I am Goob..you may have to wait a long time... LMAO

garysgirl

Member Laureate

since 2002-09-29

Posts 19237
Florida, USA

12 posted 2003-05-06 01:19 AM

I spoke up quickly, before Joe
could turn the guy down again,
'Man, I'd really appreciate the help.
At this rate, I'm gonna be here all night'.

'Maybe into morning', he chuckled,
tying on an apron and nodding
for me to step aside.
Superb writing, my friend. We'll all
be waiting for you and Capt. Ron.
Hugs

Ethel

Cpat Hair

Member Patricius

since 2001-06-05

Posts 11793

13 posted 2003-05-07 07:36 AM

let's see.... how long has it been since you wrote no let me rephrase that..finished anything to add to this?

and you mouth off about me keeping up... slacker.... maybe JM is right..your a porch puppy instead of a brass monkey

wranx
Member Elite

since 2002-06-07

Posts 3689
Moved from a shack to a barn

14 posted 2003-05-07 07:44 AM

Dunc? Nice, but these are too familiar. Seems you write my life in parts.

"The flow of dishes tapered off
around midnight, then we began
what Joe aptly termed breakdown.
It looked to me like the kitchen
was being dismantled and rebuilt into
a hot, greasy, metal sculpture, grotesquely
spreading in all directions around me."

The parts that I don't write about...lol

Seymour Tabin
Member Empyrean

since 1999-07-07

Posts 31720
Tamarac Fla

15 posted 2003-05-07 07:52 AM

Duncan
Agree with Martie, this could be a book.

icebox
Member Elite

since 2003-05-03

Posts 4383
in the shadows

16 posted 2003-05-07 08:27 AM

Nice scene, very alive. Does this come with refills? Thank you.

Duncan
Member Ascendant

since 2001-08-07

Posts 5455

17 posted 2003-05-07 06:42 PM

Thanks all for following my attempts at these stories. And ahhhh....Ron, this probably won't surprise you but...I forgot to post the next one...lol.

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