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Open Poetry #26
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serenity blaze
Member Empyrean
since 2000-02-02
Posts 27738


0 posted 2003-05-29 04:46 AM


"Slow rain, Slow rain"
(chanted to the sky)
gritted dust between my teeth.

"Slow rain, slow rain,"
(I cried alive)
Believing I must believe.

"Slow rain, slow rain?"
(I begged to die)
My palms embraced the air.

"Slow rain, slow rain"
(I was crucified)
I am the sacrifice.

"Slow rain, slow rain?"
Purified--
the paintings of the sands of mind...

"slow rain, slow rain"
(chanted to the sky)

   just as the thunder rolls...


© Copyright 2003 serenity blaze - All Rights Reserved
ethome
Member Patricius
since 2000-05-14
Posts 11858
New Brunswick Canada
1 posted 2003-05-29 05:44 AM


Great metaphors Celeste.

A very provocative read. Stimulates the need for reflections....

serenity blaze
Member Empyrean
since 2000-02-02
Posts 27738

2 posted 2003-05-29 06:13 AM


geez, and I came back to delete this yanno.

sssssssssssheesh. You guys need to get some SLEEP now and then.



and thank you.

Janet Marie
Member Laureate
since 2000-01-22
Posts 18554

3 posted 2003-05-29 08:22 AM


"Slow rain, slow rain"
(I was crucified)
I am the sacrifice.

"Slow rain, slow rain?"
Purified--
the paintings of the sands of mind...

"slow rain, slow rain"
(chanted to the sky)
===========================


dont you dare delete such lovely rhymes...
let it rain baby.

Enchantress
Member Empyrean
since 2001-08-14
Posts 35113
Canada eh.
4 posted 2003-05-29 08:54 AM


Whoa!  I hear the thunder rolling in this chant.
Love it Ser! Do not delete!
~Hugs~

~Somewhere in my heart I'm always
dancing with you in the summer rain~

Sunshine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354
Listening to every heart
5 posted 2003-05-29 09:01 AM


Nope...libraried, so you can't delete...

this carries the reader....

it's deliberate and pending what?  Disaster, doom...or just the acknowledgement of sadness draped over our shoulders....

yes...it rolls

Earth Angel
Member Empyrean
since 2002-08-27
Posts 40215
Realms of Light
6 posted 2003-05-29 09:48 AM


What a unique and interesting write! I easily got into the mood and the rhythm of this piece!

Have a great day!
EA

Martie
Moderator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-09-21
Posts 28049
California
7 posted 2003-05-29 10:14 AM


serenity

reading this like a song, simple, yet bringing out complex feelings.

icebox
Member Elite
since 2003-05-03
Posts 4383
in the shadows
8 posted 2003-05-29 10:17 AM


"...the paintings of the sands of mind...."

Great image.  Sand paintings are so vivid and yet can vanish in a moment.

Goes well with slow rolling thunder (but then most things do,  *smile* ).

Well done, thank you for sharing it.  (and for NOT deleting it!)

vandana
Deputy Moderator 5 Tours
Member Patricius
since 1999-10-22
Posts 10463
USA
9 posted 2003-05-29 10:38 AM


nice read
serenity blaze
Member Empyrean
since 2000-02-02
Posts 27738

10 posted 2003-05-29 06:30 PM


Thank you all for your long suffering patience. And about the "delete" thing? I was just writing "straight to keys" again, and istead of posting, I would say "NAWWWWW....." and hit "Clear Fields"--and it suddenly dawns on me now that's not a bad metaphor!

See? shaking my head at me...I should go cook supper before I do that again. Thanks for reading. Hugs to all.

vlraynes
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-07-25
Posts 8229
Somewhere... out there...
11 posted 2003-05-30 01:29 AM



""slow rain, slow rain"
(chanted to the sky)"

Just needed to take a little walk in the rain.
Hugs, you.

"...until you have read the verse on his heart,
you have not truly met the poet.
~vlraynes

passing shadows
Member Empyrean
since 1999-08-26
Posts 45577
displaced
12 posted 2003-05-30 03:39 AM


dang! very cool!
SEA
Deputy Moderator 10 ToursDeputy Moderator 5 Tours
Moderator
Member Seraphic
since 2000-01-18
Posts 22676
with you
13 posted 2003-05-30 09:23 AM


""Slow rain, slow rain?"
Purified--
the paintings of the sands of mind..."

I just know you wrote this for me
LOVED it!

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