Woman Crying at the Bar - pipTalk Forums

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bsquirrel

Member Rara Avis

since 2000-01-03

Posts 7855

0 posted 2002-10-18 02:50 PM

She swallowed her corner;
bar's surface to hold her in.
Her lights swam lost in leather.
Glasses jostled, wet with color.

I wondered on each taste.
Smoke and music wet her face.
She wept pores of quietude.
Along the smooth. Of lift, and wait.

Would her hair smell of her hands?
Would wood berries rise beneath
the nightlit scent of heavy hair?
A long new surface: memory.

Cpat Hair

Member Patricius

since 2001-06-05

Posts 11793

1 posted 2002-10-18 02:55 PM

nicely captured Mike... good imagery with your usual twist of style... nice to see you could join us..

the_loner_23
Member Ascendant

since 2002-06-08

Posts 5479
Jacksonville, Florida, USA

2 posted 2002-10-18 03:00 PM

Nice discription. Like it.

Cold hands means a warm heart

bsquirrel

Member Rara Avis

since 2000-01-03

Posts 7855

3 posted 2002-10-18 03:03 PM

Ron, it's a rough road.

Thanks, guys.

serenity blaze
Member Empyrean

since 2000-02-02

Posts 27738

4 posted 2002-10-18 03:04 PM

ah...lots of people watching here today...

a favorite thing of mine, too.

and funny, but I could almost feel someone staring...grin.

Wonderful Mikey...I curtsy.

Earth Angel
Member Empyrean

since 2002-08-27

Posts 40215
Realms of Light

5 posted 2002-10-18 03:09 PM

I can feel her angst
and total dispair
I can smell the smoke
and booze in her hair
Her soul is heavy,
so lost and alone,
Was that bar her refuge?
And only home?

Wow! You certainly drew me into this one Mike! What a writer!

Linda

bsquirrel

Member Rara Avis

since 2000-01-03

Posts 7855

6 posted 2002-10-18 03:17 PM

Thank you both. I'm missin' this place -- but life intervenes a lot these days (which is good, I guess

).

Anyway, it was inspired by a woman at a poetry reading. Absolutely gorgeous. Her writing was a deep well and mental probe. And she wore leather (and had the body for it).

And she seemed exhausted and small ...

Gentle Spirit
Member Patricius

since 2000-10-09

Posts 13989

7 posted 2002-10-18 03:18 PM

After reading this and closing my eyes I could picture this scene and her apparent sadness. Excellent imagery Mike.

Cpat Hair

Member Patricius

since 2001-06-05

Posts 11793

8 posted 2002-10-18 04:05 PM

squirrel dude... you mean she was form fitted for leather???? Better be careful..you'll end up a caged squirrel..
(laughing)

WhileIWasGone
Member

since 2002-07-18

Posts 486

9 posted 2002-10-18 05:09 PM

Great work M...this is really good. Enjoyed very much.

H.

majnu

Senior Member

since 2002-10-13

Posts 1088
SF Bay Area

10 posted 2002-10-18 05:37 PM

a great microcosm filled with elusive detail

i dislike the "would wood." i know as poet its fun to screw around with stuff like that, but i think in this case it hurts the piece.

bsquirrel

Member Rara Avis

since 2000-01-03

Posts 7855

11 posted 2002-10-18 06:28 PM

Thanks, everyone.

And majnu, let us agree to disagree.

I said wood berries because I didn't want to pin it down as strawberry or raspberry or any other kind of berry.

Thanks for readin'.

passing shadows
Member Empyrean

since 1999-08-26

Posts 45577
displaced

12 posted 2002-11-05 03:44 AM

you see things so awesomely! (is that a word?) anyhow, you get the meaning...this is really cool! I love the way you look at things and describe them.

Walter Poe
Senior Member

since 1999-10-13

Posts 787

13 posted 2002-11-05 05:42 AM

Im sure ive been there and met her or maybe it just feels that way after such a vivid description

Take a good look at my face
Well, don't my smile look out of place
look a little closer its easy to trace
The tracks of my tears

Sunshine

Administrator

Member Empyrean

since 1999-06-25

Posts 63354
Listening to every heart

14 posted 2002-11-05 11:00 AM

Wait. I know I read this! What, I didn't leave a comment? Heavens....

I liked the imagery, the sounds, the feel. I didn't particularly like where some of the semi-colons landed, but I looked beyond that, and directly at the woman in your eyes...

nakdthoughts
Member Laureate

since 2000-10-29

Posts 19200
Between the Lines

15 posted 2002-11-05 11:19 AM

I've been in those bars..actually just yesterday..and I watch the faces and try to see behind them why they are there, sitting in the darkness drinking their life away...and not just women...

sorry Mike, I have a distaste for the scene...for a reason...
obviously your poem struck that chord within me...and that doesn't happen often on this subject..
hugsssssss
M

bsquirrel

Member Rara Avis

since 2000-01-03

Posts 7855

16 posted 2002-11-05 12:07 PM

Thank you all for responding to this poem.

Karilea, yes, I have an issue with semicolons myself. It's a habit I am surely and slowly breaking.

And Maureen, most definitely. Bars can be sad places. I prefer coffee shops or bookstores.

Mikey

PoetryIsLife

Senior Member

since 2001-10-27

Posts 1763
...in my boxers...

17 posted 2002-11-05 10:00 PM

Go ahead and.... smile? I think I'll smile, because I love your work.

Sincerely,
Titus

"A life unexamined is not worth living."
-Socrates

bsquirrel

Member Rara Avis

since 2000-01-03

Posts 7855

18 posted 2002-11-06 12:47 PM

Thank you, Titus. That's very kind of you.

JamesMichael
Member Empyrean

since 1999-11-16

Posts 33336
Kapolei, Hawaii, USA

19 posted 2002-11-07 03:57 AM

Like this...James

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