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Open Poetry #23
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Sundialed Walls
| Open Poetry #23 |
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Sundialed Walls |
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Cpat Hair
since 2001-06-05
Posts 11793 |
Evening brings shadows To cross the floor And climb whitewashed walls That have become a parking lot For pictures and headboard Curtains used to hang Over those two long windows Until I took them down The grasping edges Made it hard to measure What the sun would write In passing on those jumbled slates Leaving me unclear and dim Until in darkness I sat Waiting For the “finis” To let me know it was Ended |
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| © Copyright 2002 Cpat Hair - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Sunshine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354Listening to every heart |
Voila... you knew you'd pull me in with this one... as for me my lace curtains let me count the flowers on the wall... |
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wranx Member Elite
since 2002-06-07
Posts 3689Moved from a shack to a barn |
The river writes liquid reflected, on the walls of my loft. This puts me there. Ed |
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nakdthoughts Member Laureate
since 2000-10-29
Posts 19200Between the Lines |
What the sun would write... I love to watch what the moon writes at night...when I open the blinds nice feel to this C M |
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serenity blaze Member Empyrean
since 2000-02-02
Posts 27738 |
ooooh. fade to black. This crept shivers... |
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Cpat Hair
since 2001-06-05
Posts 11793 |
Sunshine... glad you enjoyed... counting flowers on the wall reminds me of an old song... Ed... your loft sounds as if with the right light it could be a warm place. |
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Cpat Hair
since 2001-06-05
Posts 11793 |
Nakdthoughts.... yes the moon also writes on the walls....but in much softer hues. thanks for dropping by.. Ser... you see too much... damnit |
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quietlydying
since 2001-06-10
Posts 935the wonderful land of oz |
i loved this one. especially quote: there was such strong imagery in this piece, it painted an amazingly vivid picture in my mind. i do have one little thing to say however. perhaps you could tweak the second last line a bit. "To let me know it was Ended" to "To let me know it had Ended" it sounds a lot better, and is grammatically correct. but that's just my opinion.  excellent write, as usual. /jen/ i'm so bitterly disappointed. betty, i think it's time you leave now. [This message has been edited by quietlydying (11-21-2002 02:22 PM).] |
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jellybeans Member Elite
since 2000-10-13
Posts 2298 |
I love this.....*shakes her head*...partly cause I never get to see it...my world is, as you know, so packed full that when night time comes and the one hundreth and one thing is done for the day I fall into instant sleep...the shadows could break dance, ballet, sing opera.....I would never know it.....*smiling* enjoyed the read |
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brian sites Senior Member
since 2002-06-25
Posts 1475usa |
shadows grasping edges jumbled unclear dim darkness waiting Ended um.......Ron? |
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Cpat Hair
since 2001-06-05
Posts 11793 |
jen... thank you for the reply and the pointer.. I actually did that on purpose, but it may not be an effective use of the word so I certainly am considering making that change.. ah well... we learn many times by error.. JB.. it comes from a painting as I rarely see the sun this time of year. early in to work and late home. I understand the too busy... Bri... huh? (smiling) perhaps you to should be scolded along with Ser. |
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Corinne Member Ascendant
since 1999-10-28
Posts 5167state of confusion |
How sad this is, Cpat. Lonely. Empty. Very well written. Corinne |
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Cpat Hair
since 2001-06-05
Posts 11793 |
perhaps a solitude more than a sadness Cor. then again..it probably depends on how the sunlight climbs the walls. thanks for the thoughts and the compliment. |
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garysgirl 
since 2002-09-29
Posts 19237Florida, USA |
Capt., I also had a sad feeling the first time I read it. Then, I read it again and started thinking of me and my Love looking at the pictures and writings made on the wall by the sun. Then, I thought, well, he's probably not alone. He's probably watching those images on the wall with someone right by his side. I didn't feel sad about it after that. I'm kidding, Ron, but all those thoughts did come to my mind plus more. You do have a way of painting with your words, Sir. "Love makes the world go around" |
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Cpat Hair
since 2001-06-05
Posts 11793 |
thank you. It is a compliment whenever anything I write sparks a thought or memory in someone... |
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Duncan Member Ascendant
since 2001-08-07
Posts 5455 |
Until in darkness I sat Waiting For the “finis” To let me know it was Ended I've read this several times today and each time, it's said something different. And each time, this verse has stood out. I like the time theme and the passivity of watching it score the walls. (Ron, glad you 'got' the horseshoe bar poem. It started out a month or so ago, as a thought towards your Iambe family challenge. And though it's changed directions, your storytelling style was a definite influence. Hope ya don't mind) |
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Enchantress Member Empyrean
since 2001-08-14
Posts 35113Canada eh. |
Ron...just to let you know... I read and enjoyed this piece thoroughly. ~Hugs~ ~Love, like magic, depends on believing~ |
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Mistletoe Angel
since 2000-12-17
Posts 32816Portland, Oregon |
 (big hugggsssssss) Oh Ron, this is lovely, sweet friend, encore, encore!!! (big hugggssssss) May the sun rise upon the curtain call, sweet friend, I love it, we all love you so much! You have such a beautiful heart, sweet Ron, thank you for sharing!  May love and light always shine upon you! Love, Noah Eaton "Underneath your clothes there's an endless story..." |
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regards2you Member Elite
since 2002-10-01
Posts 3940California |
Ron: I liked the title. The poem as a whole reminds me of a black and grey abstract drawing (less the headboard) I did once; many words are angular. The ending has almost a sense of doom to it. But, anyone's guess, I guess. Thanks, I enjoy all your poetry. Warm Regards, Pat ..without surrender, be on good terms with all persons.. |
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Janet Marie Member Laureate
since 2000-01-22
Posts 18554 |
The grasping edges Made it hard to measure What the sun would write In passing on those jumbled slates Leaving me unclear and dim =============================== "unclear and dim" are words I would never use to describe the poet or the poetry... the insight of the imagery dressed emotions always speak of the depth and the clarity of your view. well done poet sir  I'm not crazy, I'm just a little unwell |
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Sandpiper Senior Member
since 2002-06-15
Posts 738land of flora and fauna |
Hmmmmm, enjoyed the layers you weave through light and dark--it's the shadow dancing I love most when light creeps through my curtainless windows--intriguing read! "I am a sky where spirits live. |
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Gentle Spirit Member Patricius
since 2000-10-09
Posts 13989 |
I do like the shadows that dance upon the walls, but sometimes the light doesn't shine and all that is left is the gray dinges in the mind......lol......something like that....or I just spend to much time in an office with no windows to the world outside and all I can think is man......let the sun shine in!! Loved the shadow play in this. Wonderful write. |
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Cpat Hair
since 2001-06-05
Posts 11793 |
Duncan: I rarely miss one of your poems if I am around at all and I would have hated myself if I had missed that one. As for meaning... yes there are several ways one can look at the piece and take different things from it. It was inspired by an image that did the dsame thing to me, left me pondering what it was that it meant, and I tried to write it. Thanks for the words... and the thoughts! Nancy: thanks for stopping in... and for reading. Glad you found in this something you could enjoy. Noah... what's to say bud..you are probably the kindest person I have ever met.. thanks for dropping in.. Pat: thanks for the words..and I certainly agree that some words are angular... a nice premise for a poem..I'd love to see what you did with it. JM: Every one get lost sometimes...and everyone struggles with being unclear at some point... me included. Thanks Mothy one..for reading and the thoughts..they are always appreciated. Piper: Layers... kind of like dressing for cold weather, several lighter ones are sometimes better than a single heavy one.. I appreciate you taking time to read and comment.. thank you Gentle Spirirt: I too work in an office with no windows..and spend some time every day wishing I could see the sun or the clouds... Thank you for reading and for taking the time to comment... greatly appreciated. |
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MARK V SHELDON Member Elite
since 2001-06-21
Posts 3015In a corporeal internship... |
...I don't think it ever truly ends -- just crossfades into dimmer repetition... -MVS "AS ABOVE SO BELOW" |
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Cpat Hair
since 2001-06-05
Posts 11793 |
kind of like my poems..they never end just get into shades of dimmer repeating myself.. Thanks Mark..appreciate you.. and your words |
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