i don't know if this makes any sense, it was a sorry effort to express some of the madness i am currently touring, i'll probably change it all or throw it away tommorow.

Temptation is an insensitive [edited by Moderator],
she will not concern herself with my recovery efforts
or remedial tasks like setting boundaries
for myself.
I hate her for the reckless abandon
she nurtures in me through 80 proof bottles
when she is too dry to breast feed.
She bends one arm into her navel
and leaves my head hanging over her elbow
while she dangles a nipple in her other hand.
I am crying against the weight I cannot lift for my life,
I am shaking for the strength to support my habit
but, she will not bend and I cannot reach.
So, I’m thinking it’s time to quit and she’s just circling her areola,
temptation IS a tease.

I’d give anything
to get my hands on that [edited by Moderator] lever.
The one that raises questions and pushes for action
two oceans below awareness.
It’s a force unbridled, a whisper that breaks decibels
between delusional thought and subliminal messages.
It is the devil’s work when my hands are idle
and my mind is wandering like sixteen-year-old juvenile.
He smiles and spreads my earlobes like thighs
and thrusts words I cannot silence.
“You know the number, pick up the phone…
She should read this, you have the address…
She would love that, send it…
You know you want to, to hell with your values,
Sure, she would be bad for you in the long run, but
She would take it all away
NOW
She could make it feel so good
NOW
She could make it all stop
NOW…
Temptation is boisterous and loud
AND I WISH SHE WOULD SHUT [edited by Moderator] UP!
so I could think for myself.

I want to do the right thing, I do.
But, sometimes it seems that would mandate earplugs,
a blindfold and a little white coat with straps
to keep me from acting out.
I want to be good
but it feels so bad,
that void the absence of intimacy leaves like innumerable mass.
If I were more convincing with my stone face
and my broad shoulders,
I could feign some strength, maybe, fool the human condition
and be humble with my arms at my sides instead of around somebody’s waist.

I wish temptation was shapeless
but, I know her figure like canvas and delectable fruit.
I know her eyes like a magnetic field and I cannot move.
I want to stop reaching for her folded arms
and her indiscriminate affairs
but she runs through my mind
like an involuntary order
that cannot risk interruption or err.
So I will just have to cup my ears and let my head hang over her elbow
praying for a drop of milk or a pint of southern comfort
just so I don’t pick up that phone.