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Open Poetry #23
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it's elementary
| Open Poetry #23 |
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it's elementary |
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quietlydying
since 2001-06-10
Posts 935the wonderful land of oz 
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"Mommy, I met a boy. He’s a little mean and kind of annoying, but I think he likes me". And this is what you’re settling for? Why love a thorn because it’s stuck in your finger? Dear child, don’t let him bring your house [of cards] down. You’re better than a boy who’s still dreaming and prancing in the library with King Friday and his chipped and scratched plastic disciples. So why listen to him? I’ve seen him play on the grounds [and heard his echoes in the halls]. His work will always be of his father’s head. Nothing more than a stale rye with a rotten lemon twist. /jen/ what if they gave a war, and nobody came... |
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| © Copyright 2002 jennifer elizabeth - All Rights Reserved | |||
Skyfire
since 2000-12-27
Posts 3381Riding |
*buries her face in her arms* This got me. I can't tell you how, but it got me bad. *sigh* Jen you're becoming more and more brilliant, and I wish I knew how you write like you do. Kudos to you  |
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angelswing Senior Member
since 2000-02-10
Posts 705United Kingdom |
Oh my god this is so brilliant; I was sat here reading it and the whole way through I was thinking 'I know how that feels' yet at the same time I was finding that it was an absolutly classic tale . You have written this very romantically and I enjoyed it a lot - everything from your word use and deep meaning to the way you've let the charecters interact ... Absolutly amazing poem . L.of.L. Tom . XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX 'There is only a very thin line between genius and insanity, this is measured only on sucess; I am proud to be considered an under-achieving genius'. |
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Mistletoe Angel
since 2000-12-17
Posts 32816Portland, Oregon |
 Wow!!! Oh Jennifer, this is amazing, sweet friend, sometimes you just have to pucker up and taste the lemon to understand that bitter complexion, and that's the humour of it! (big hugggssssss) I love the classical feel of this, sweet friend, you are amazing, we all love you so much! You have such a beautiful heart, sweet Jennifer, thank you for sharing!  May love and light always shine upon you! Love, Noah Eaton "Underneath your clothes there's an endless story..." |
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serenity blaze Member Empyrean
since 2000-02-02
Posts 27738 |
Every word of this sank through me... well done, I thought the ending superb... now, I need to write an ending for myself!  enjoyed this much, lady. |
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vlraynes Member Rara Avis
since 2000-07-25
Posts 8229Somewhere... out there... |
Jen~ I have to say that this one REALLY got me. I felt every word of this as I read, and there are so many good lines in here. For example... "Mommy, I met a boy. He’s a little mean and kind of annoying, but I think he likes me" I just love the way that sets the stage right away. "Why love a thorn because it’s stuck in your finger?" This, I LOVE! I think that's my favorite line. There is much depth and wisdom in those words. And this... "Nothing more than a stale rye with a rotten lemon twist." What can I say...just simply excellent! I love the way your mind works the words. Extremely well penned, my friend. Hugs, ~Vicky "...until you have read the verse on his heart, |
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Kit McCallum
Administrator
Member Laureate
since 2000-04-30
Posts 14774Ontario, Canada |
"Why love a thorn because it’s stuck in your finger?" An excellent write, Jen! I loved the wisdom that shines through this piece. Indeed, there is no need to settle for anything in this life, when we have so much to choose from. Very much enjoyed your thoughts here! Best wishes, /Kit |
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wranx Member Elite
since 2002-06-07
Posts 3689Moved from a shack to a barn |
"You’re better than a boy who’s still dreaming and prancing in the library with King Friday and his chipped and scratched plastic disciples." This is true enough, as is the rest. Seems that you've chosen a thoughtful path. Ed |
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Cpat Hair
since 2001-06-05
Posts 11793 |
choices should be made by listening to both..heart and head... you write well..and I found this an intriquing read. Truly a good piece to ponder... |
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SEA
Moderator
Member Seraphic
since 2000-01-18
Posts 22676with you |
Jen, this is really fantastic...I'm keeping this one |
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Connel
since 2002-11-04
Posts 736Florida, USA |
It kool. Thanks for sharing. I wish to become a great poet some day, but it will only come in time. Til then, I shall write my poems, and wait. |
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Magnus
since 2001-10-10
Posts 14135South Carolina, USA |
Even though I am a grown boy, as in m.a.l.e., I do like this poem....very cute and brought a big chuckle from me... Welcome to PiP... |
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majnu
since 2002-10-13
Posts 1088SF Bay Area |
remarkable. so simple, even in meaning, yet so honest. i guess my thoroughly flaunted PPS isn't an asset. -majnu |
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quietlydying
since 2001-06-10
Posts 935the wonderful land of oz |
i was certainly taken slightly aback when i read your reply magnus.  i had to chuckle when you said 'welcome to pip'. i have been here quite a while. did you mean welcome to open? [since i've spent most of my time in other forums]. :: shrugs :: hmmmmm... perplexing indeed. but thank you for the response everyone. most replies i've ever had in open. haha. /jen/ what if they gave a war, and nobody came... |
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