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Open Poetry #23
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diphycue
New Member
since 2002-10-28
Posts 8
Rolla, Missouri, USA

0 posted 2002-10-29 02:51 PM


First off, thank you so much for the positive feedback!  Secondly, I need to express that in my last poem my reference to popping pills was meaning my prescription medications.  Thanks! Down with dope, up with hope! Ok...here goes another outpouring.  It might be a little chaotic, I'm sorta whirlgigging today. <html><body>

</body></html>

How could you do this to me?
Don't you see that all I give
To you is more than I be?
Sometimes, I don't want to live
Knowing that there are those
Out there who can be so
Dishonest as to lie through the nose,
Even to someone they know.
I gave you everything, trust and more.
I gave you my love, all that I had.
You gave me lies, sweet for sure,
But over and over, was I so bad?
Was I so hard to live with?
Was I so horrible to you?
I guess our love was just a myth,
Just a story you told a fool.
I was going to ask you to be my wife,
You cheated on me, not once or twice,
But so many times, stabbed with the knife.
Seems like yesterday, how time flies.
Even though you've given
Little but pain,
In some ways I am loving,
And weep at your name.

Jesse


Ok...again, sorry for the abruptness and, pretty low quality of the poem.  But I just do a free flow poetry, no revision or drafting, so this is it. :-)  As always I appreciate feedback both good and bad! :-)

I'd rather have a bottle in front of me than a frontal lobotomy.

© Copyright 2002 Jesse Wallis - All Rights Reserved
Saxoness
Deputy Moderator 1 Tour
Senior Member
since 1999-07-18
Posts 1102
Texas
1 posted 2002-10-29 02:54 PM


Jesse,

Once again, the raw emotion here puts a lump in my throat and pain in my heart.  The jaggedness of your poetry tears at me.  Good job.

"Glory remains unaware of my neglected dwelling where alone
I sing my tearful song which has charms only for me."
                                

ThisDiamond
Member Rara Avis
since 2002-02-22
Posts 9353
Michigan, USA
2 posted 2002-10-29 03:54 PM


Now stop that!...
Let's just agree that you have a gift...no revisions needed! Not my final word...
Very well done. Encore! ThisDiamond

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