She cries with broken tears

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wvplayernotreally
Member

since 2002-11-06

Posts 215
yakima wa

0 posted 2002-12-09 11:51 PM

I look at her
Huddled in the corner
She looks like me
That wasen't to long ago

Her heart is heavy
She fell in love
He took it and ran
Her tears are broken

That kiss, beutiful
She was dreaming of it
It was perfect
They connected

Her memory was only
on that night
When the moon stood still
That was the night she daydreamed about

His strong arms around her
His lips on her neck
His hands caressing her face
His eyes staring, demanding

Their eyes locked
soon came their lips
smooth hands everywhere
his hair between her fingers

If this wasen't love
She was on cloud nine
everyday was perfect
her smiles came often

Then, he said it
"That was a mistake."
Her eyes welled
"I just got caught up."

She cried broken tears
her heart was limp
laying on the floor
snarled and decaying

I stand, looking in hindsight
Of a night, when i cried
my tears and heart broken
but,i pick up my pieces and walk on

" I think I got a tan from the light in which i was basking."

CwboyAtHeart
Senior Member

since 2001-04-14

Posts 541
Selah, WA, USA

1 posted 2002-12-12 08:32 PM

Been in that situation before... Well written. Interesting perspective to be writing from, looking at one in the same situation you have been in and reflecting on your own personal feelings. Good job.

      - Cody -

Note To Self:  If Pigs Can Fly, So Can I!!!

If someboy laughs at me, does that make me funny or just plain stupid?

Savage Quiescence
Member

since 2002-07-29

Posts 326
Wandering

2 posted 2002-12-13 09:49 AM

Wow, this one will really put an image in my head. I love that. This was a very good poem, one for the library. I only have one suggestion, but I do not know if it is a good one.. It just seems to me that

"She looks like me
That wasn't to long ago”

might work better if it were

“She looks like the me
That was not so long ago.”

It suggests that you were once another person, that person that she now resembles. Does that make sense? Just a thought. Great write!

~Sky

"Whatever life brings, I've been through everything, but now I'm on my knees again" -Creed

Le Capitan de L'Amour
Member

since 2000-07-15

Posts 60

3 posted 2002-12-13 01:10 PM

This was a really neat piece, your poem was Hightened to a point where I felt what you felt in that same moment as if that moment was shared through your write, it was really elevated to an extremely great pro level.

Keep writting like this, I like it!

CloudedDreams
Member

since 2002-11-23

Posts 210
My Fantasy Realm

4 posted 2002-12-14 12:46 PM

This is a really successful poem, it tells about how a relationship is so much like a roller coaster ride. Relating to that person also casts a shade of pity for that person. Very good work, keep it coming

Yes there will be tommorrow, but will you be there to greet it?

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