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Darkness
Member

since 2002-10-17

Posts 202
The place just beyond my eyes, where my spirit flies.

0 posted 2002-12-02 01:27 PM

Pull yourself together Sam,
You're losing it again,
But it's so hard to be strong,
When you don't have a friend.

Someone to hold your head up,
When you all but die inside,
But it's so hard to be strong,
When no one's there beside.

Help Me, Pleas somebody help!
Come save me from this rain,
I'm drowning face down in a puddle,
And I'm too numb to feel the pain.

Getting ready to breath my last,
But I'm pulled up again,
Who are you? An Angel?
No. You’re just a friend.

[This message has been edited by Darkness (12-03-2002 09:26 AM).]

Savage Quiescence
Member

since 2002-07-29

Posts 326
Wandering

1 posted 2002-12-02 06:02 PM

This was an interesting read, one that many can relate to at some point in time. I like the first two stanzas and the last two lines the best, they seemed the strongest. You might not want to repeat "help" twice in one line, but that is up to you. Just my two cents!

~Sky

"Whatever life brings, I've been through everything, but now I'm on my knees again" -Creed

WinterWren
Senior Member

since 2002-12-01

Posts 1044
...Coming to

2 posted 2002-12-02 08:35 PM

Very wonderfully expressive poem. Out of all those beautiful lines I think I like the best. "When you all but die inside." and, "And Im too numb to feel the pain."

WinterWren
"I want you to believe in life. Will you find out who you are, too late to change?" -Dishwalla-

wvplayernotreally
Member

since 2002-11-06

Posts 215
yakima wa

3 posted 2002-12-02 11:45 PM

"Some on to hold your head up,
When you all but die inside,
But it's so hard to be strong,
When no one's there beside."

I can relate to that totally...i'll be your buddy :-) it was good..really good...post more! i miss seeing ya around here!

" I think I got a tan from the light in which i was basking."

Star T
Member

since 2002-07-12

Posts 182
Philadelphia, US

4 posted 2002-12-02 11:47 PM

hey sam that was nice.i dont know why winterwren, me and u seem to always have the same lines as our favorites.i related to ur poem sam,Jesus can be your friend if u invite him...

Skyfire

Member Elite

since 2000-12-27

Posts 3381
Riding

5 posted 2002-12-03 02:03 AM

hmmm... I don't have much to critisize on this, cause you kept your narrative tenses organized

I like what you've got here... if you ever need a friend, don't be afraid to email me

No, on second thought, let's not go to Camelot.
~ Arthur (Monty Python Search for the Holy Grail)
I'm Rhondiforous!

vlraynes
Member Rara Avis

since 2000-07-25

Posts 8229
Somewhere... out there...

6 posted 2002-12-04 01:20 PM

Darkness~
I like this very much.
Wonderful expression of your thoughts.
Nicely done.
~Vicky
"...until you have read the verse on his heart,
you have not truly met the poet.
~vlraynes

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