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Allysa

Senior Member

since 1999-11-09

Posts 1952
In an upside-down garden

0 posted 2002-11-20 11:41 AM

She's looking for reasons

to be mad, to say good-bye,
to just get fed up again,

and she realizes that they
hardly talk anymore,
he says the conversation seems forced,

She says she doesn't think he wants
to listen to what she has to say,
or atleast that's how she feels.

Staring at her fingers,
pressing the keys in study hall,
she notices the lines,
decorating her hands and arms,
up to her elbows.

Are you feeling alone?
she sings along with her cd
I guess it's just another night alone.

She doesn't want to be mad at him,
she just wants to love him

I talk to you every now and then,
I never felt so alone again.

they fight every night,
she doesn't understand why
she can't sleep anymore
she just wants it all to stop.

She doesn't want to fight
doesn't want to wake up mad at him,
just say you're sorry, it'll be okay.

Just you wait and see.

The scars will go away

Just you wait and see.

-----------------
I still want to revise this, But I'm not sure what I want to do with it. Hmm...

"Wie ein Quadrat in einem Kreis, eck' ich immer wieder an obwohl ich doch schon lange weiß, daß ich niemals ändern kann." ~Wizo

Darkness
Member

since 2002-10-17

Posts 202
The place just beyond my eyes, where my spirit flies.

1 posted 2002-11-20 01:31 PM

Its a good poem no doubt about that. I hope that never happens with me and my girl. You said you wanted to revise this. You might want to try putting some of those two-lined stanzas together or just adding on to them. It might give the poem more flow.

I don't know just a thought.

Good write though. Poems are always able to be revised.

Darkness

[This message has been edited by Darkness (11-20-2002 01:31 PM).]

xShUgArHiGhx

Member Elite

since 2000-09-26

Posts 3150
tRyIn tO fIt iN2 mY oWn ShoEs

2 posted 2002-11-20 11:01 PM

jeez...it seems like you stepped in to my life..took a few notes and wrote a poem on it..it was interesting to read it and it was very well said..i loved it..

Standing on the edge of the world
Now I don’t want you to catch me
I want you to let me
Stand up here and walk on my own

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