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clve527
Member

since 2002-07-08

Posts 200

0 posted 2002-11-16 10:43 PM

I must first state, Love,
that I am not the edge,
I am merely your end,
your beginning, and possibly
your everything.
But I am not the edge.

The edge is made up
of the intersecting lines
of your past,
but not the future;
your future doesn’t
make the edge.

The edge is in
the unforeseen obstacles
along your path:
seductive tones
in first hellos,
guilty whispers
of morning goodbyes.

The edge is yesterday:

I am tomorrow.

casey

boy and his spirit
Junior Member

since 2002-08-26

Posts 41
within my heart

1 posted 2002-11-16 11:53 PM

you are tomorrow. I believe that.
this is so touching, i liked it alot.
the paragraphs were a little odd, though.

clve527
Member

since 2002-07-08

Posts 200

2 posted 2002-11-16 11:58 PM

They are stanzas, and I don't think they are strange, but maybe others will agree with you. Thanks.

Casey

Marshalzu

Member Elite

since 2001-02-15

Posts 2681
Lurking

3 posted 2002-12-05 11:08 AM

Hey Casey, you’ve been spending so much time in my poem I thought I better check you out and I can’t say I’m disappointed for doing so. This is a wonderful poem, the first stanza is extremely well written and I just love the lines:

quote:

I am merely your end,
your beginning, and possibly
your everything.

To be honest I don’t really like the word intersecting, to me it has always sounded too clinical and mathematical and for me it sounds slightly awkward but it detracts little from the second stanza.

The third stanza like the first is a pleasure to read especially the lines:

quote:

seductive tones
in first hellos,
guilty whispers
of morning goodbyes.

Which I might add brought a little smile to my face. All in all this is a brilliant poem, although I’m sure you already know that, keep on writing and maybe show us a little more of you work in the future?

Andrew

My Violent Bedtime Stories

Coming Soon?

LCBS
Senior Member

since 2001-11-29

Posts 532
Connecticut

4 posted 2002-12-05 02:02 PM

I enjoyed this very much Casey. I do agree with Andrew that the word "intersecting" clashes with the rest of the poem, however, that may be your intention. In any case, it certainly does not detract from how well written this poem is.

~Lisa

xShUgArHiGhx

Member Elite

since 2000-09-26

Posts 3150
tRyIn tO fIt iN2 mY oWn ShoEs

5 posted 2002-12-05 02:03 PM

Very interesting!!! I enjoyed it lots

thanks for the read

Standing on the edge of the world
Now I don’t want you to catch me
I want you to let me
Stand up here and walk on my own

clve527
Member

since 2002-07-08

Posts 200

6 posted 2002-12-05 06:18 PM

Thank you all. I am glad you liked this.

casey

devinechild22
Senior Member

since 2002-08-28

Posts 571

7 posted 2002-12-06 06:49 PM

I liked it. Very well written.
*Allison*

HopelessRomanticGuy
Member

since 2001-08-17

Posts 495
LI, New York

8 posted 2002-12-06 09:15 PM

I thought this was great. I do agree with Marshalzu about those lines in the second stanza, though I won't bother rephrasing it, since he said it better than I could anyway. It is still a great poem!

'Rich

"You can't hurt meee!! 'Cause I've got on my cheeeeese helmet!"

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