Leaning At My End... Feeling Nothing.

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Teen Poetry #6

Leaning At My End... Feeling Nothing.

Darkness
Member

since 2002-10-17

Posts 202
The place just beyond my eyes, where my spirit flies.

0 posted 2002-11-01 01:04 PM

Chronically tired,
lying in bed shivering,
My numb is gone now,
Pain is like steaming needles,
I can feel everything,
Like walking waist deep in that marsh again,
Losing myself again,
Emotionless again,
Blank face staring outward,
Because inside is a tornado,
I feel nothing...
As it twists my entrails in circles,

In this life...
Winning is everything,
Because when your don't win,
You lose,
And you lose,
You die,
But when you die,
You truly win,
Just think about that,
I'll be waiting,
Sitting here as bitter and sour,
As a cold stone.

Surreal
Junior Member

since 2002-10-21

Posts 35
Paris

1 posted 2002-11-02 07:59 AM

Very provacative ending, I know exactly what you mean in this piece, or at least I can relate to it very well. Strong language and simple structure (especially in the second stanza) really made this a powerful piece.

Glory is a silent thing-- Mineral

DancinQueen

Senior Member

since 2000-07-29

Posts 1092
Kokomo,IN,USA

2 posted 2002-11-03 11:05 PM

wow...this was very powerful. especially the end. kind of gave me chills. excellent read

-Kiley

**You can't always trust the people you want to**

Local Parasite

Member Elite

since 2001-11-05

Posts 2527
Transylconia, Winnipeg

3 posted 2002-11-04 03:29 PM

I love the nature theme of this piece. You have a lot of metaphors and similies that strive on that concept and it really gives the poem a lot of focus...

Very much liked this. I think this is a step up from your usual standard, Darkness.

Parasite

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