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Marshalzu

Member Elite

since 2001-02-15

Posts 2681
Lurking

0 posted 2002-09-19 05:10 PM

In the dim and fading light
the first sign of the enemy
brings terror to all that hear
the high pitched saws scythe the air
as the screaming machine gun beats
tearing the hidden scars asunder
of old wounds left on the heart
from the battles of yesterday

Andrew

it’s not your makeup that fades
just the illusion of happiness
that has slowly decayed

anonymousfemale
Member Elite

since 2000-02-02

Posts 2797
Limbo

1 posted 2002-09-20 12:02 PM

Powerfully written, Andrew. I cannot see any sort of reasoning behind violence to solve problems in regards to war. For such a short piece you've got some amazing images popping up here.

Thanks for the read. Looking forward to more.

~AF~

"No wonder I do not make people comfortable. I am a mirror. I have far too many things to say." - Mouthing the Words

vlraynes
Member Rara Avis

since 2000-07-25

Posts 8229
Somewhere... out there...

2 posted 2002-09-20 01:39 AM

Hi, Andrew~
I really enjoyed reading this piece.
I'm seeing a lot of depth in this and there
is definately more than one way to interpret it.
Of course, you already knew that, didn't you?
Very well written, my friend.
You are a talented poet.
Hugs,
~Vicky

"...until you have read the verse on his heart,
you have not truly met the poet.
~vlraynes
[This message has been edited by vlraynes (09-20-2002 01:40 AM).]

Marshalzu

Member Elite

since 2001-02-15

Posts 2681
Lurking

3 posted 2002-09-20 08:35 AM

Thank you for the replies and yes I did intend to have the two interpretations although I'm not sure that it has worked that well in this peice, anyway I enjoyed reading your comments

Andrew

it’s not your makeup that fades
just the illusion of happiness
that has slowly decayed

Local Parasite

Member Elite

since 2001-11-05

Posts 2527
Transylconia, Winnipeg

4 posted 2002-09-20 02:16 PM

I like how you open by mentioning beginnings, and close by saying that these things are the "battles of yesterday." I might be a bit off, but I saw this as speaking towards the notion of war as something unending, reoccuring. That what occurs yesterday will catalyze what will occur tomorrow, and that war is much the same.

I'm not sure if that's what you were driving at... perhaps some more people will have a take on this. I'm but a humble fan.

Wombles,

Parasite

Learn to place poetry before people
Before you place your poetry before the people.
~Andrey Kneller

PoetryIsLife

Senior Member

since 2001-10-27

Posts 1763
...in my boxers...

5 posted 2002-09-20 08:47 PM

<----- all I have the time or energy for, sorry. Well done, Andrew.

Sincerely,
Titus

"I'll prepare myself, and one day my time will come."
-Abraham Lincoln

quietlydying

Senior Member

since 2001-06-10

Posts 935
the wonderful land of oz

6 posted 2002-10-05 05:19 PM

wow.

one of the best descriptive pieces i've read in days.

it truly did take me to a place i never wanted to go.

excellent write zu.

[thought it was worth bringing back up]

/jen/

i just haven't been the same since that house fell on my sister.

[the closest thing i've found to heaven is sitting here talking to you.bif naked]

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