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anonymousfemale
Member Elite

since 2000-02-02

Posts 2797
Limbo

0 posted 2002-10-27 10:36 AM

Salt in the wound

Cascading over a pile
Of books and oddly shaped
Colours in the carpet,
It pours onto page 142 –
Details of Spiritual Dissection –
And stains the word BEAUTY.
The limb aches in oozing
Tones and mutes the world,
Placing my ever-growing
Neediness on a tiresome wait.

Yet I wait in pastel rooms
And listen to soft sounds
Humming steadily
From beneath the glass cabinet.
the swift voice of reason

I trim the lace formed like
A tourniquet around my arm,
And linger with glass flowers
Watching the petals fall
Delicately into a porcelain God.
There, hours seep into
Minutes and seconds lastly,
Catching the anomalous
Upper just before
The preverbal downer.

Anti Lemming Crusader - Fight against the conformity!

Local Parasite

Member Elite

since 2001-11-05

Posts 2527
Transylconia, Winnipeg

1 posted 2002-10-27 01:12 PM

VERY nice work, AF.  This is truly awesome writing...

Every time I read from you I'm blown away by your ability to describe texture, lustre... your poetry always has such a tangible feeling to it.  This poem is exactly what I'm talking about.

Simply awesome.  My library entry for today.

Parasite

Learn to place poetry before people
Before you place your poetry before the people.
~Andrey Kneller

quietlydying

Senior Member

since 2001-06-10

Posts 935
the wonderful land of oz

2 posted 2002-10-27 01:19 PM

i know what you're talking about.

and i know the books. his office is full of them. and all of those manilla file folders...

this is very suiting for my music choice right now [polly - nirvana and ana's song - silverchair].

you know i can't critique this babes. it feels like you pulled these memories out of my own head. and i find solace in the fact that they are shared.

we are the freaks, doll. isn't it great?

/jen/

what if they gave a war, and nobody came...

chasing rain
Senior Member

since 2001-05-15

Posts 737
Canada

3 posted 2002-10-27 05:52 PM

EJ-

Just as before, awesome (stress AWE) work! ^^ You always write such dark poetry that holds an inner beauty.

"It pours onto page 142 –
Details of Spiritual Dissection –
And stains the word BEAUTY."

These lines really stood out to me. I think it's the visual aspect of it. ^^ *swoon*
Your poetry is something that should not be taken for granted. It is always a pleasure to read your work!

-Leah

cherish
Senior Member

since 2001-03-25

Posts 1639
swimming in fairy floss...........

4 posted 2002-10-27 08:59 PM

ahhh...you have a way with words which no one seems to grasp. This just reminded me why you are one of the best here. I'm going to come back to this for a more detailed critique (brain is suffering Mondayitis

)

You're already in my library, so i'll just pretend to put this in there

Are you scared? BOO! Are you now?

quietlydying

Senior Member

since 2001-06-10

Posts 935
the wonderful land of oz

5 posted 2002-10-28 01:20 AM

cherish you and your crazy english calendars!!

oh man, i could sure kill for a monday right about now.

at least they're better than sundays.

and guess what?

i FINISHED my jack-o'lantern!!

yay.

rock on mr. scooby. rock on.

/jen/

what if they gave a war, and nobody came...

[This message has been edited by quietlydying (10-28-2002 01:22 AM).]

knightlyshadows
Senior Member

since 2001-04-14

Posts 791
obscured vision

6 posted 2002-10-28 01:45 AM

this was visually stunning EJ. Very, very well done.

quote:
Placing my ever-growing
Neediness on a tiresome wait.

-Loved- that!

quote:
Watching the petals fall
Delicately into a porcelain God.

*shakes head* Just beautiful.
Well done dear, this is in the library.

“A single choice can build destinies, or destroy them.”

Getting away, isn't Running away.

"The hurt that you try to hide, is killing me."

Surreal
Junior Member

since 2002-10-21

Posts 35
Paris

7 posted 2002-10-28 06:57 AM

Really a beautiful piece of work with amazing imagery that really places the reader there.

Glory is a silent thing-- Mineral

clumsy
Member

since 2002-10-10

Posts 106
canada.

8 posted 2002-10-28 11:26 AM

-ponders-

cherish
Senior Member

since 2001-03-25

Posts 1639
swimming in fairy floss...........

9 posted 2002-10-28 11:11 PM

Ok, it might be a bit stupid of me saying this, but yes, I've tried it. The whole "pouring" salt into the literal wound. Hell doesnt burn as much. Then again, they wouldnt be as stupid as to put me into hell anyway

Ok, yes there was a poem here wasnt there?

I so hope you're ok, and that this was written a while back, cuz if you're expecting me to take your advice, you're going to have to take it too

I love the phrase "Mutes the world". I dont know, somehow it just stuck out to me and made me nod and affirm its truth.

And the lace, the lace bit had me clicking Flight Center for their prices to Melbourne. I absoloutely adore the grace in which you write, but at the same time worry my arse off about you.

This struck very close to home, but even so, I worry...

Are you scared? BOO! Are you now?

anonymousfemale
Member Elite

since 2000-02-02

Posts 2797
Limbo

10 posted 2002-10-29 07:46 PM

Thanks to everyone for reading and not running.

Jen, you're right, we ARE freaks and isn't it great? I knew you'd be able to see something in this. Same with you Cherish. Do NOT worry about me. I have to email/call you soon so wait by your phone. Pick an accent, English or German because they're the ones I'm going to be using - lmao. Ok, emails are coming to both of you very shortly.

Thanks again for your replies and kind words everyone. Remember to press start when you see a frog in a blender.

Elizabeth

Anti Lemming Crusader - Fight against the conformity!

quietlydying

Senior Member

since 2001-06-10

Posts 935
the wonderful land of oz

11 posted 2002-10-30 07:13 PM

oh i haven't had a frog in my blender yet.

i guess i'm just not 'australian enough'. har har har.

but there was this one time with that beaver...

/jen/

what if they gave a war, and nobody came...

HopelessRomanticGuy
Member

since 2001-08-17

Posts 495
LI, New York

12 posted 2002-10-30 08:44 PM

Well, lets see.. there isn't much I can add amongst such interesting company, so I'll just say I loved the poem, and leave it at that, LOL. Seriously, it IS good! ^.- later!

After Love comes Pain, then Love, Then Pain, then Love, then Pain..... does anyone else see a pattern here? Oh well, can't say it's not worth it.

Acies

Moderator

Member Rara Avis

since 2000-06-07

Posts 7665
Twilight Zone

13 posted 2002-11-01 01:09 PM

everyone seems to have grown in writing
Lizzy, you just amazed me with this one
thanks for sharing

là où est mon amour?
donde está mi amour?
wo ist meine Liebe?
Nelly Furtado é a menina a mais bonita no mundo largo do todo.

quietlydying

Senior Member

since 2001-06-10

Posts 935
the wonderful land of oz

14 posted 2002-11-01 11:42 PM

acies m'man.

< posh country club accent>

where have you been hiding?

< /posh country club accent>

nice to see your familiar face around these parts again.

/jen/

what if they gave a war, and nobody came...

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