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Teen Poetry #6
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the silence
| Teen Poetry #6 |
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the silence |
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Allysa 
since 1999-11-09
Posts 1952In an upside-down garden 
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Eyes drift to the small pebbles that make up the concrete that I put beneath my feet when I run away Cheeks rest on my knees pretending not to hear when you speak I don't want to listen to another excuse The silence is me it's me not caring me not caring about you hurting me. Truth cannot find it's own way back to my lips or yours cannot speak itself so it remains unsaid Jello Brain, and empty heart when you lie and say it was once, four times, ten, now twelve The silence is you wrapping your hand around my fragile neck keeping me from saying I care. ich bin schwul, ich bin jüdisch und ein Kommunist dazu, Ich bin schwarz und behindert, doch genauso Mensch wie du ~Wizo |
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| © Copyright 2002 Allysa - All Rights Reserved | |||
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BrokenAngel Member
since 2002-01-06
Posts 141Puryear, TN, USA |
Wow. It's amazing how defaning(sp) silence can be. I can tell you were really hurting when you wrote this even though you talk about how you don't care anymore that this person hurts you. Made me remember a relationship that I was in a while ago. If he's hurting you that bad, get rid of him, you deserve better. Great poem, very heart felt. ~*~*~Night Angel |
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cherish Senior Member
since 2001-03-25
Posts 1639swimming in fairy floss........... |
*hands you a voodoo doll* I'm sure you'll find good use of this. Enjoyed the read Allysa  Are you scared? BOO! Are you now? |
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Local Parasite
since 2001-11-05
Posts 2527Transylconia, Winnipeg |
Spectacular writing here, Alyssa! I'm starting to really admire the style that you've adhered recently. There are so many unique and different concepts that you express in your poetry, I always find myself impressed by at least one aspect of it. "The silence is me." That made me sit back in my chair. How you revisited it in a contrary sense, come the closing of the poem, was astonishing. Wonderful writing, Alyssa. A year or so from now, you will definitely be revered as one of the greats when I think back to the roots of Teen Poetry #6. Parasite Learn to place poetry before people Before you place your poetry before the people. ~Andrey Kneller [This message has been edited by Local Parasite (09-19-2002 06:47 PM).] |
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Allysa
since 1999-11-09
Posts 1952In an upside-down garden |
Silence can be deafening, however only to "him". It bothers him when I do not speak up when I'm angry, when I just stare at him with empty eyes, shake my head and proclaim that I have nothing to say to him. Oh well. Life is NOT peachy keen, people were meant to fight, and as long as they make up, it's okay. Parasite- thank you for your kind words, I only hope they're true. Perhaps...hmm. "You're the center of adrenaline And I'm beginning to understand You could be the best thing about me." -SG |
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Acies
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-06-07
Posts 7665Twilight Zone |
this is amazing!!! well written Asylla, your best so far thanks for the read là où est mon amour? |
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quietlydying
since 2001-06-10
Posts 935the wonderful land of oz |
you painted such a vivid picture with this piece. i really enjoyed it. i must say i think this is one of my favourite poems by you. i'm just blown away, you did such a good job on this one. i still have that scene lingering in my mind. you are really starting to grow as a writer. you should be proud! /jen/ at first i wondered why white oleander was in the six dollar bargain bin. and then i read it. [This message has been edited by quietlydying (10-16-2002 02:28 AM).] |
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Dopey Dope
Moderator
Member Patricius
since 2000-08-30
Posts 11132San Juan, Puerto Rico |
Wow, this truly was an amazing poem. The format, the style, the words, the feelings and emotions- all of it rocked the house of poetry! haha. I loved this one Allysa.  This post has been brought to you by the 'Totally Awesome Society of Puerto Rican Egotistical Sexy Men'. |
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vlraynes Member Rara Avis
since 2000-07-25
Posts 8229Somewhere... out there... |
Allysa~ This is an extremely well-written poem. I was immediately blown away by the outstanding imagery in the first stanza. "Eyes drift to the small pebbles that make up the concrete that I put beneath my feet when I run away" I absolutely LOVE that part. The image is so vivid and the detail of including the pebbles...excellent!  Keep up the great writing! Hugs, ~Vicky "...until you have read the verse on his heart, you have not truly met the poet. ~vlraynes [This message has been edited by vlraynes (10-21-2002 03:36 PM).] |
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