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PoeticGoddessOfDepression
Member

since 2002-07-02

Posts 439
I am everywhere

0 posted 2002-10-25 07:16 PM

I watch your name slowly fade away,
on this lonely beach.
As the tide rolls in
I keep retracing it...
but it never stays.
I decide to walk over and write it
father away from the water.
It rises,
and washes you away again..
and again, and again.

Sometimes-
things just aren't meant to be,
and tragedy ends up being the best way.
Knowing that-
I've cried away your kiss,
and your embrace...
The tide has done the rest.
But I am letting go of nothing.

"All are unnecessary evils of a dying republic. We must *write* these wrongs"
~Otep

Pollita
Member

since 2002-07-25

Posts 220
the unknown realm of insanity

1 posted 2002-10-25 07:47 PM

I LOVED THIS!!!!!
IT SOOOOOOOO "ME" WELL BEFORE I TURNED ALL DARK AND SAD....
It's one of the best poems i ever read from you!

I HOPE YOU KEEP WRITING!
I'll keep reading!

Dopey Dope

Moderator

Member Patricius

since 2000-08-30

Posts 11132
San Juan, Puerto Rico

2 posted 2002-10-25 07:47 PM

This was simply amazing. Simply.
I couldn't have written this better, I don't think anybody could have.
This was awesome....nuff said.

This post has been brought to you by the 'Totally Awesome Society of Puerto Rican Egotistical Sexy Men'.

devinechild22
Senior Member

since 2002-08-28

Posts 571

3 posted 2002-10-25 10:20 PM

This is one of your best sara! I liked the whole tide thing and how you made it flow throught the whole poem.One of the best,man,one of the best!!! I may write one 2. BUt it prolly won`t be as good as this. Maybe i`ll write bout a ufo.....lol.
*Allison*

dinky
Member

since 2002-10-19

Posts 258

4 posted 2002-10-26 02:58 PM

hey,
this was a fantastic write dude!!! lol
i love the way u used the alphabet!!!(lol)
it was really good
keep writin
~sam~

Local Parasite

Member Elite

since 2001-11-05

Posts 2527
Transylconia, Winnipeg

5 posted 2002-10-27 11:28 AM

Truly enjoyed reading this, Sara. So much power and strength is expressed in this poem...

But you ended with the title... oh nevermind... I'm just going to stop whining about that.

Great work, Sara. Very nicely written.

Parasite

Learn to place poetry before people
Before you place your poetry before the people.
~Andrey Kneller

holatuwol
Member

since 2001-04-27

Posts 72
California, USA

6 posted 2002-10-29 01:17 AM

This is probably the best love-related poem that I have seen in a very long time, and I just thought I'd drop a random compliment in this thread, even though language would scarcely be able to describe the absolute joy in finding a well-written romantic poem, given how few of those there are these days. ^^  A few scattered clichés here and there, but overall, this is something that could easily be considered a masterpiece by anyone who's looking for a good piece of romantic poetry.

Maybe it's my bias towards the images of water that you included throughout the poem (nothing, really, though, I swear! ^__^), and the fact that I adore and can scarcely gather the ability to objectively critique poems rich with imagery (wonderful imagery in this poem! *_*), but I thought it was an absolutely gorgeous poem.  It flowed amazingly well for a love poem... and the impression that you're left with when you finish the poem is just something that's very difficult to replace.  It almost makes you want to fall in love, just to feel the hurt of letting go... just to see if it's really as beautiful as you portray it in this poem.

I loved the entire piece... two distinct units of 8 lines each, and each line contributing something substantial to the entire piece.  The first five lines and the last five lines really stood out in my mind, and I departed from the poem wondering whether it would read as well the next time I read it... and it certainly did, again and again.  Although it's only 16 lines long, the fact that it's short takes away nothing from the poem, and perhaps its simplicity is what's amazing me the most.  A simple poem... leaving this sort of impact.

I've read a lot of your work, but nothing you've done tops the beauty contained in the simplicity of this particular poem that you've created.  The images... the emotional distance and restlessness... and the wistful quality of it all.  Like the echoes of the ocean waves, it's something that lulls you into a peaceful state of reflection. ^^  Absolutely wonderful piece of work, and I'm in awe of your ability to paint simple, emotionally-numbing images the way you do.

- holatuwol

anawnda
Member

since 2002-07-26

Posts 113

7 posted 2002-10-29 04:11 AM

can i just say what everyone said about this poem? i soo Loved this!!!!!!!!! i wanted to capture this type of emotion before but i never got to it as easily written and as beautiful as the imagery you used on this piece,,,, thank you for this poem, ill add it to my lib right now!!!!

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