Coma Blue - pipTalk Forums

How to Join	Member's Area	Private Library	Search	Sanctuary		Login
Main Forums	Discussion	Tech Talk	Mature Content	Archives	A home without a wall, Our haven without ends, A circle we all call Our Family of Friends!

Allysa

Senior Member

since 1999-11-09

Posts 1952
In an upside-down garden

0 posted 2002-09-18 10:47 AM

Nails pale
skin purple
cold to the bone,
shivering touch

Coma Blue

Screaming silence
burning numbness
illuminated darkness
giddy with fright

Coma Blue

Floating, flying
soaring, falling
disappearing dreams,
protesting death

Coma Blue

Stomach churning
blood pounding
fever burning
numbness spreading

Coma Blue

Skin like ice
dark in color
death's thick cloak,
you cannot escape

Coma Blue.

cherish
Senior Member

since 2001-03-25

Posts 1639
swimming in fairy floss...........

1 posted 2002-09-19 04:45 AM

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!

WICKED POEM RIGHT HERE!!

Are you scared? BOO! Are you now?

Kielo
Senior Member

since 2002-02-11

Posts 1109

2 posted 2002-09-19 09:36 PM

Yah, I liked it too. The imagery was great.

Kielo

Skyfire

Member Elite

since 2000-12-27

Posts 3381
Riding

3 posted 2002-09-19 11:45 PM

I could have sworn I had read and replied to this. I obviously didnt, but it was definately worth the second read

I have a lizard, and his name is Jake.

Match
Member

since 2002-07-01

Posts 286
Canada Edmonton

4 posted 2002-09-19 11:47 PM

Greatness written all over it

~*Azi*~

Local Parasite

Member Elite

since 2001-11-05

Posts 2527
Transylconia, Winnipeg

5 posted 2002-09-20 11:10 AM

It's extremely difficult to write like this, constraining yourself to only two or three words per line. You did quite well with this.

I'm only wondering about the repetition of the line "Coma blue." I'm sure for the most part this was well-taken, but I personally thought it was somewhat unnecessary. Was there any particular reason for it?

Other than that, a good poem... but there are others who obviously enjoyed it more than I did...

It's all a matter of taste.

Parasite

Learn to place poetry before people
Before you place your poetry before the people.
~Andrey Kneller

vlraynes
Member Rara Avis

since 2000-07-25

Posts 8229
Somewhere... out there...

6 posted 2002-10-18 01:34 PM

Allysa~
This is such a powerful write.
As LP said, you've done an excellent
job with a somewhat difficult form.
I very much enjoyed this.
Hugs,
~Vicky

"...until you have read the verse on his heart,
you have not truly met the poet.
~vlraynes

Riley

Senior Member

since 2002-07-18

Posts 1038
in the pouring rain

7 posted 2002-10-18 01:52 PM

LOL, I agree with everyone up there! ^_^ Great write!

Ri

~* Love humiliates you, hatered cradles you-White Olender *~

Dopey Dope

Moderator

Member Patricius

since 2000-08-30

Posts 11132
San Juan, Puerto Rico

8 posted 2002-10-18 07:20 PM

I liked it a lot, great imagery. Very vivid.
The only thing I didn't like was that it reminded me too much of Marilyn Manson's songs "Coma White" and "Coma Black".

Anyhow, nicely done.

This post has been brought to you by the 'Totally Awesome Society of Puerto Rican Egotistical Sexy Men'.

	⇧ top of page ⇧
All times are ET (US). All dates are in Year-Month-Day format.