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Jester
Junior Member

since 2002-08-13

Posts 41
The dark corners of your mind

0 posted 2002-10-20 11:09 PM

I know theres no meter...trying for something different.
You call to me and I slide into your eyes
As if the earth were canted towards them
Your eyes...that speak of death and lies
Like a rose of no more...plucked from the stem

You care not for the lives of those around you
You tempt me to run without even trying
I feel angry and furious this is true
But every day I know I'll end up crying

Tear out my hate...for I know you love it
Tear out my love...for I know you fear it
Rip out my fear...for I know it threatens you
Threaten me...i know it makes you feel good inside

But you care not to trust...that I'll trust you
Therefore you think not to know that I love you

I am your God, will you kill me now or shall I be continually suicidal?

Dopey Dope

Moderator

Member Patricius

since 2000-08-30

Posts 11132
San Juan, Puerto Rico

1 posted 2002-10-21 11:27 AM

Well done on this one. I liked it a lot. I'm surprised this poem had no replies. Shame on all the pipers. Very well written poem.

This post has been brought to you by the 'Totally Awesome Society of Puerto Rican Egotistical Sexy Men'.

Local Parasite

Member Elite

since 2001-11-05

Posts 2527
Transylconia, Winnipeg

2 posted 2002-10-21 01:15 PM

You give replies, you get replies.

  That's the PIP way.

Did enjoy this quite a bit, Jester.  Ditching meter can make your poetry seem more spoken and ponderous than lyrical... which can sometimes be important to poetry that focuses on a riddlish aspect, like yours does... that deals with a hard-to-grasp concept... like this one...

I'm in love with the second-to-last stanza, and the last couplet is perfect... you didn't lead up to them as nicely as I would have expected, though.  The first two stanzas should have dealt more with what you would discuss in the conclusion.

Just my own opinion.  Great work otherwise, Hughes.

Parasite

Learn to place poetry before people
Before you place your poetry before the people.
~Andrey Kneller

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