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Teen Poetry #6
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Up on Signal Hill
| Teen Poetry #6 |
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Up on Signal Hill |
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Maddy vanD Member
since 2003-09-06
Posts 99Newfoundland, Canada |
A somewhat obscure piece about...well take a guess  UP ON SIGNAL HILL We sat on top of Signal Hill Was in the middle of the night The air it held a little chill But it somehow was alright The seagulls' cries were very shrill And the stars were fearful bright Being with you was such a thrill You were always my true delight I have no need for confirmation I've seen transsubstantiation Far from my little basement room Now its time to spread our wings Two brides with no groom The sun came up and struck me blind Although my eyes were tightly shut I sought release in the wine Dutch courage for the final cut Life and love can be unkind It drives us all a little nuts we search but we fear to find The only way out of this rut My mood matches with the scenery Stormy waves on wilted greenery Far from my little basement room Now its time to clip our wings and crawl back into the womb Sometimes wish I'd just forget How it was when I could see But there's no need for you to fret This bloody lamb will set you free So drink deep take what you can get When you leave you take a part of me Kiss me now without regret Kiss me now then let me be It will be the last sacrement Into the heavens it will be sent Far from my little basement room Now its time to spread our wings And fly from this tomb Maddy |
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| © Copyright 2003 Maddy vanD - All Rights Reserved | |||
Mysteria 
since 2001-03-07
Posts 18328British Columbia, Canada |
I remember standing up on Signal Hill, but that was all and thinking what a simply serene place it was. I would bet that your poem could be have been recited by those back as far as 1497, when John Cabot landed that shore. I see you live there, and to me Newfoundland is one of the most beautiful provinces in Canada. Very nicely rhymed and brought in a bit of history as well, so thinking poem indeed. |
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chasing rain Senior Member
since 2001-05-15
Posts 737Canada |
I really enjoyed your word usage and your descriptions; it brought out some great images in my mind. My only critique is the flow. I had a hard time following the poem because I had no meter to latch on to. Maybe it's just me, but I've come to rely on rhyming to have some kind of rhythm to it. If you could tweak a few words and syllables, this piece would have so much more added to it other than the wonderful images you have already provided.  Keep up the good work! -Leah |
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Maddy vanD Member
since 2003-09-06
Posts 99Newfoundland, Canada |
Thanks both of you for the encouraging comments. kinda funny, i am usually advised to abandon rhyme and metre...too each his own i guess eh? However i will take a look at fiddling with it some. Maddy |
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