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Attila
Junior Member

since 2002-10-14

Posts 17
USA

0 posted 2002-10-17 10:22 PM

My resolve is dissolving
Right in front of my eyes
And into the air.
My resolve dissolves
When I look into your eyes.
I see you
I'm weak, and I stare.
My resolve dissolves
And I can't complete my plan.
Everytime you touch my hip
I forget everything I had decided;
I won't want you
I won't need you
...
At least until I see you.
Then my resolve dissolves
Your warm hands
And heated chocolate eyes
Melt my icy resolve
But I will keep on trying
Everytime you dissolve my resolve.

Local Parasite

Member Elite

since 2001-11-05

Posts 2527
Transylconia, Winnipeg

1 posted 2002-10-18 11:04 AM

I like the repetition you used in this... you worked very well with it. I like the imagery, like "heated chocolate eyes." That has a very multiple sensory appeal... I can't phrase that any better than that...

Great work and welcome to Passions.

Parasite

Learn to place poetry before people
Before you place your poetry before the people.
~Andrey Kneller

[This message has been edited by Local Parasite (10-18-2002 11:08 AM).]

gymnast
Member

since 2001-11-18

Posts 80
Scotland.

2 posted 2002-10-18 11:53 AM

OOh I like this a lot! Great poem you've written here! Your descriptions are very good!

Hope to read more from you!
||amanda||

Give All To Love, Obey Thy Heart. ~R.W.Emerson~

Riley

Senior Member

since 2002-07-18

Posts 1038
in the pouring rain

3 posted 2002-10-18 02:00 PM

Great Job!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ( I am the exclamtion point queen of pip, I love them!!!!!!!!!!! )

Riley

~* Love humiliates you, hatered cradles you-White Olender *~

Dopey Dope

Moderator

Member Patricius

since 2000-08-30

Posts 11132
San Juan, Puerto Rico

4 posted 2002-10-18 07:59 PM

I liked the poem a lot, truly!
Well done on this one!

This post has been brought to you by the 'Totally Awesome Society of Puerto Rican Egotistical Sexy Men'.

Attila
Junior Member

since 2002-10-14

Posts 17
USA

5 posted 2002-10-18 10:21 PM

Wow, thanks you all. I am sad to say that quite a few of my poems i cannot show you because of the rules here on suicide and cursing but i will keep the others coming your way. I like the line Heated chocolate too one of my friends asked me why not melted... i was like thats not the color they are! lmao
Attila

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