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SilentTears
Member

since 2003-02-15

Posts 371
Lost and Broken

0 posted 2003-08-20 11:24 PM

Beautiful images of black and white,
Yet all I see is gray.
The same old story of my life,
Each and every day.

Nothing phases me at this point,
I'm so used to it all.
Everyone else enjoys the summer,
While I'm still back in fall.

I don't strive to do much anymore,
I always seem to let someone down.
I'll just make a stone of my heart,
No tears in which I could drown.

Disappointment happens much too often,
Not at all few or far between.
I should be long gone by now,
If only you knew the pain I've seen.

But it really doesn't matter now,
No one can hurt me anymore.
I am but a grain of sand,
On a lifeless ocean floor.

"I would sleep forever, if it meant I'd never stop dreaming..."

Spine Grinder
Senior Member

since 2000-10-28

Posts 1127
Standing In Silence...

1 posted 2003-08-21 02:19 AM

This was good Meg, I liked the rhyming and everything, there was just one point in this entire poem, that I didn't like.

"Everyone else enjoys the summer,
While I'm still back in fall."

See, me and Jess are reviewing together, and I can understand this if you have a point of view like Jess does, where she's saying that you're still back in fall, while everyone is in summer. But if you have a point of view like I do, and take it literally, then I can't see how you could say this, cuz I know you, as a person, are enjoying the summer...so I don't know..LoL take this how you want..cuz I don't even know what I'm talking about anymore! LOL CYA

"It's the way that he makes you feel.
It's the way that he kisses you.
It's the way that he makes you fall in love"~Sugarcult

[This message has been edited by Spine Grinder (08-21-2003 02:21 AM).]

BrokenDreams
Member

since 2003-02-09

Posts 425
In The Clouds

2 posted 2003-08-21 09:43 AM

I thought this was an awesome poem, and it was very well written.

"To handle yourself, use your head;yo handle others, use your heart." -Donald Laird

BabieDoll
Member

since 2003-02-13

Posts 268
BFE

3 posted 2003-08-21 10:29 AM

This was a good poem. I loved the last 2 lines of the last stanza.

~J.Lynn

"In life you must dance like no one is watching, sing like no one is listening and love like it's never going to hurt..."

peachesNcream
Senior Member

since 2001-08-21

Posts 513
Ocean Of Tears

4 posted 2003-08-21 09:30 PM

Yesh yesh, Staci and I discussed this poem! LOL.

You wrote this poem while I was at your house...! Anyways, I remember saying I liked the summer and fall idea which is odd because that's what Staci and I talked about. Good work, homie! ~Jess

"At the touch of love, everything becomes a poem." -Plato

[This message has been edited by peachesNcream (08-21-2003 09:31 PM).]

yankees01rugby
Junior Member

since 2003-08-13

Posts 48
USA

5 posted 2003-08-21 10:54 PM

this is a very good poem. i can relate to it alot.

*It's hard to tell your mind to stop lovin someone when your heart still does*

martina
Member

since 2003-06-19

Posts 59

6 posted 2003-08-26 03:42 PM

hi i like your work i was wondering if you could read some of mine to tell me if it is any good it is in The Feelings section

Thanks martina

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