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peachesNcream
Senior Member

since 2001-08-21

Posts 513
Ocean Of Tears

0 posted 2003-08-18 08:12 PM

You're changing me,
Surreal feeling of truth,
Criminally, I'm lying,
To be something like you,
Bending the rules,
Running from myself,
Just to get away from the thoughts,
Tortured and twisted they've become,
The wrong path is what I've chosen,
Leading to my unfortunate fate,
All I am is dirt beaten into the ground,
Left to blow away with the wind.

Each day I grow colder,
Heat rises within my heart,
Then quickly freezes into ice.

Nowhere to turn,
I stand at the fork in the road,
Either the dark woods,
Or the tender lights,
I choose,
I choose neither.
Rather, I stay who I've become,
Knowing I'm left living with the What If.

"At the touch of love, everything becomes a poem." -Plato

HopelessRomanticGuy
Member

since 2001-08-17

Posts 495
LI, New York

1 posted 2003-08-18 08:18 PM

Hmm... reminds me of "Lying From You" by Linkin Park. Good song, btw! Anyway, this really was great! I liked the last stanza(?) best, it summed up your feelings quite well, in my humble opinion. I really liked this poem! Keep up the good work!

*~Rich~*

Forever I will stand
always here with you.
Now stay and hold my hand
and together we'll go somewhere new.
~Rich~

ljossberir
Member

since 2003-05-04

Posts 81
Ny, USA

2 posted 2003-08-19 12:58 PM

Hah... good stuff..
I felt like I was running along that path with you, that's what it's all about, isn't it? Bringing the reader there! You did it for me!

That was a very cool lil poem, thanks for sharing it with us!

If I had to find something to critique it would be the line:
"I'm lying,
To be something like you"

I'm just a bit confused on the meaning because of the grammar. I'm sure it was something you overlooked quickly, as I so often do.

Keep sharing, I'll look for yours in the future.

BabieDoll
Member

since 2003-02-13

Posts 268
BFE

3 posted 2003-08-19 01:38 PM

Good job...

~J.Lynn

"In life you must dance like no one is watching, sing like no one is listening and love like it's never going to hurt..."

SilentTears
Member

since 2003-02-15

Posts 371
Lost and Broken

4 posted 2003-08-19 02:16 PM

Jess, I read this poem while you were at my house. And I loved it just as much then. It is beautiful in every aspect, I wouldn't change a thing!

"I would sleep forever, if it meant I'd never stop dreaming..."

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