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NeverSayDie
Junior Member

since 2001-01-18

Posts 39
Duluth, MN & Grand Forks ND

0 posted 2002-10-15 01:14 PM

After that night,
Ill never be the same.

I never was a player,
But I was always in the game.

I made myself feel happy,
Which was a lie in the end.

My life will keep on going,
But will never be the same.

I hope your life is happy,
Now the mistake you make are your own.

But just remeber my friend,
I'll be there when you come home.

Local Parasite

Member Elite

since 2001-11-05

Posts 2527
Transylconia, Winnipeg

1 posted 2002-10-15 03:07 PM

I like this a lot. Your choice of rhyme is difficult to predict and brings a lot into the poem.

It flowed very nicely as a result of the spaced couplet organization. Well written.

Parasite

Learn to place poetry before people
Before you place your poetry before the people.
~Andrey Kneller

LoveBug

Moderator

Member Elite

since 2000-01-08

Posts 4697

2 posted 2002-10-15 03:59 PM

I really like this piece, especially the last couplet. Very touching.. good work!!

Most of us go to our grave with our music still inside of us.

Attila
Junior Member

since 2002-10-14

Posts 17
USA

3 posted 2002-10-15 09:55 PM

This reminds me of one of my friends...I think he just realized it too. You're not alone. I LOVED the last line, the fact that you will still be there for them it awesome and a thought that most would not put into a piece of this subject matter.

cherish
Senior Member

since 2001-03-25

Posts 1639
swimming in fairy floss...........

4 posted 2002-10-16 12:55 PM

Hey NSD!! Are you a Bond fan?

The poem was sweet, a nice one to send a friend to tell them that they're making a mistake about something or rather and that you dont approve but'll be there for them in the end. Very nice thoughts there.

The only thing that I felt took away from the poem was this one line:Now the mistake you make are your own.

It should be either "Now the mistake you make is your own." OR "Now the mistakes you make are your own".
Just that one grammatical error, but otherwise a great read. Thanks for sharing buddy

Are you scared? BOO! Are you now?

quietlydying

Senior Member

since 2001-06-10

Posts 935
the wonderful land of oz

5 posted 2002-10-16 01:09 AM

nice.

very nice.

and those words would seem like nothing coming from anyone, but once you get to know me [and my odd vocabulary], you'd realise i actually do mean them. ::grins::

i absolutely love the second and the last couplets.

nice work.

/jen/

at first i wondered why white oleander was in the six dollar bargain bin.

and then i read it.

Dopey Dope

Moderator

Member Patricius

since 2000-08-30

Posts 11132
San Juan, Puerto Rico

6 posted 2002-10-16 04:24 PM

Hmmm....i can relate to this on some level, but not on every level. I'm usually just a player playing the game haha.
Anyhow, the poem was very well done. I like how it was composed. Very simple, but very powerful.

This post has been brought to you by the 'Totally Awesome Society of Puerto Rican Egotistical Sexy Men'.

vlraynes
Member Rara Avis

since 2000-07-25

Posts 8229
Somewhere... out there...

7 posted 2002-10-21 02:42 PM

NeverSayDie~
This is a well-written piece.
It has a nice flow all the way through, and you've
gotten your message across very well.
Nicely done.
~Vicky

"...until you have read the verse on his heart,
you have not truly met the poet.
~vlraynes

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