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Teen Poetry #6

graduation

dertah
Senior Member

since 2003-06-18

Posts 584

0 posted 2003-07-21 09:47 PM

entangled
in my robe of success
and soon to be lifes failure
after only
a few short steps
life illusions
will dissolve
and reviel
a sickening reality
without friends
and unprepared
i shall enter the world
of darkness
that is reality
a few short steps away

this we celebrate?

Gabkicks
Junior Member

since 2003-06-04

Posts 13

1 posted 2003-07-21 10:17 PM

Its pretty good, but i think you could have gotten your point across better with longer lines, but what do i know

Silent Evincar
Member

since 2003-07-22

Posts 179
Here There and Places Between

2 posted 2003-07-22 12:47 PM

Dude, I think I grduated with you? Hmm small world. Although I do agree longer lines would add to this poem. The short lines represent the ideal quick shot at the high school life. Its over way to fast... but what do I know too

dertah
Senior Member

since 2003-06-18

Posts 584

3 posted 2003-07-22 01:07 AM

whoa, dude. i think i did graduate with you. thanx for he replys, but hey, the hell do we all know?

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