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EleanorMoonbaby
Member

since 2002-09-02

Posts 202
England, UK

0 posted 2002-10-12 03:46 PM

Today it occurred to me;
I'm only permanently disgruntled
Because I know and remember you.
So I tried to forget.

Today it occurred to me;
People always say I look older than I am
So I went to the off-license
And blew my pay-packet.

Today it occurred to me;
Vodka=blank. I can have a massive blank
And forget you ever entered my "life"
So down it goes.

Today it finally occurred to me
I don't hate you as much as I make out
I actually feel like I care if you live
So I throw up.

writtn whilst drunk..... i had to work hard on making this readable. anyways, rant over. Bysie.

"Last night, I had a dream that I went to the doctors, and she gave me eight minutes to live. I'd spent thirty minutes in the [edited by moderator] waiting room"- S

[This message has been edited by quietlydying (10-20-2002 07:26 PM).]

Dopey Dope

Moderator

Member Patricius

since 2000-08-30

Posts 11132
San Juan, Puerto Rico

1 posted 2002-10-12 03:52 PM

I thought this was pretty good. I liked it a lot. Thank you for making this readable, it helps us moderators out.
Anyhow, the poem completely rocked. I thought it depicted exactly what you were feeling. Sometimes writing when one is not of complete 'thereness' is interesting.
Very well done.

This post has been brought to you by the 'Totally Awesome Society of Puerto Rican Egotistical Sexy Men'.

EleanorMoonbaby
Member

since 2002-09-02

Posts 202
England, UK

2 posted 2002-10-12 04:07 PM

Thanks. I don't know what to think of this poem, so will think when im sober. ta.
ellie

"Last night, I had a dream that I went to the doctors, and she gave me eight minutes to live. I'd spent thirty minutes in the f***ing waiting room"- S

Skyfire

Member Elite

since 2000-12-27

Posts 3381
Riding

3 posted 2002-10-12 04:35 PM

A lot of the times, the best poems written are written when one is drunk. Such as the poem above. One doesn't leave anything out when drunk (or stoned for that matter). *hugs* I hope it gets better for you.

Local Parasite

Member Elite

since 2001-11-05

Posts 2527
Transylconia, Winnipeg

4 posted 2002-10-12 04:38 PM

quote:
Today it finally occurred to me
I don't hate you as much as I make out
I actually feel like I care if you live
So I throw up.

Judging from subject matter, I'd venture a guess that this isn't the only reason you threw up.

Alcohol bothers me. Alcohol consumption bothers me even more... so I'm not really drawn by this poem particularily.

quote:
Vodka=blank. I can have a massive blank

That line, however, made me crack up. Well done.

Parasite

Learn to place poetry before people
Before you place your poetry before the people.
~Andrey Kneller

EleanorMoonbaby
Member

since 2002-09-02

Posts 202
England, UK

5 posted 2002-10-12 05:14 PM

Hehehe. I know, I drink too much, but thanx anyway. It's nice to have critics, they stop me from feeling like I'm doing really well when in fact I'm doing crap. Seriously, you all help a lot, and I will work on my endings in future!
Thankies!
Ellie *)

"Last night, I had a dream that I went to the doctors, and she gave me eight minutes to live. I'd spent thirty minutes in the [edited by moderator] waiting room"- S

[This message has been edited by quietlydying (10-20-2002 07:27 PM).]

clumsy
Member

since 2002-10-10

Posts 106
canada.

6 posted 2002-10-12 06:03 PM

hmm i wanna write a poem when i'm drunk.
nice work

i liketh.

Chel2082
Junior Member

since 2002-07-23

Posts 40
Baltimore, MD

7 posted 2002-10-12 10:31 PM

good job.

chel

With GOD all things are possible...<3 CHEL

Riley

Senior Member

since 2002-07-18

Posts 1038
in the pouring rain

8 posted 2002-10-13 12:30 PM

Wouldn't exactly know how that feels, I don't do that.......fav. line

quote:

Vodka=blank. I can have a massive blank

Ri

~* Love humiliates you, hatered cradles you-White Olender *~

[This message has been edited by Riley (10-13-2002 12:31 PM).]

EagleScorpion
Senior Member

since 2000-03-08

Posts 1644
Here, Now, Forever

9 posted 2003-01-02 12:22 PM

i love vodka! after the fourth shot its nothing but water!! hehe

WinterWren
Senior Member

since 2002-12-01

Posts 1044
...Coming to

10 posted 2003-01-02 01:06 PM

Very different poem, I liked it. Glad to have you back around at pip.

WinterWren
"I want you to believe in life. Will you find out who you are too late, to change?" -Dishwalla-

Melster
Member

since 2000-12-09

Posts 442
Brisbane, Qld, Australia

11 posted 2003-01-03 04:40 AM

That was amazing... Drunkeness doesn't help any problems as I am sure you know, but it makes you forget, as you say!!!

Keep up the great work!!

MelZ!

You can't hurt me anymore than I have hurt myself already...

mindy
Junior Member

since 2002-12-18

Posts 34
VA, US

12 posted 2003-01-03 01:45 PM

Just to be able to write a poem while your drunk is a gift...good job...

HopelessRomanticGuy
Member

since 2001-08-17

Posts 495
LI, New York

13 posted 2003-01-03 05:03 PM

I gotta say, wnen it comes to different writing styles, "Getting drunk and pouring my soul to a piece of paper" takes the cake. LOL I rather liked this poem, and though I've never really been drunk, I've seen some very interesting work come out of it and this tops that list. Later!
*~Rich~*

"You can't hurt meee!! 'Cause I've got on my cheeeeese helmet!"

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