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PeaceInEverything
Junior Member
since 2002-10-06
Posts 31
Ohio, United States

0 posted 2002-10-08 12:50 PM


One Too Many Hurts
------------------------------
Hurt one to many times
my emotions are reciding.
Happy on the outside
while inside im greiving.

One too many spears thrown
found their way into my heart.
Now my heart is spiked with spears,
for the spears never did depart.

Everytime my heart leaps in love
the spears drive themselves deep.
My emotions are near to their end
I do not think they will keep.

Too many hurts heaped apon my heart.
Love will not be able to entreat
upon emotions if I lose them but,
My heart can not bear the pain of another defeat

Maybe sometime my load will be lifted,
the spears removed by a gentle touch.
Only one thing can I hope,
That the spears will not harden my heart too much.
------------------------------

October 8th 2002
Chris



© Copyright 2002 Chris Adams - All Rights Reserved
Jenn Cirrincione
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Member Elite
since 2000-07-02
Posts 2107
Fl
1 posted 2002-10-08 08:41 AM


Great first attempt!!
Welcome to PIP. I look forward to watching you write and grow and I hope to see you lurking around more often.

Jenn

Why is it that we are at our most ingenius only when trying to destroy the things that keep us alive and thriving?

Riley
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Senior Member
since 2002-07-18
Posts 1038
in the pouring rain
2 posted 2002-10-08 09:13 PM


Great first write!!!!! Wellcome to pip....hope to see you around......check us all out!!!!!! Lookin forward to the next read!

Ri

~* Love humiliates you, hatered cradles you-White Olender *~

Kodoku
New Member
since 2002-10-08
Posts 5

3 posted 2002-10-08 10:52 PM


Very nice, I think it's good. welcome to Pip. (not that that's saying much, I'm a n00b too)
Allysa
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Senior Member
since 1999-11-09
Posts 1952
In an upside-down garden
4 posted 2002-10-09 11:37 AM


Could it be? An Ohioan?  HA! I knew there were more...
(yeah, I'm from Ohio too...)

Well, WELCOME TO PIP!

Great poem, awesome for a first write, but, and this just bothered me a bit, your rhyme scheme in the first stanza seems to be a tad off to me and it takes away from the rest of the poem...

See ya around and KEEP WRITING!

"You're the center of adrenaline And I'm beginning to understand You could be the best thing about me." -SG

PeaceInEverything
Junior Member
since 2002-10-06
Posts 31
Ohio, United States
5 posted 2002-10-09 01:34 PM


Thanks for all the welcomes


Allysa - can you be more specific cause I don't know exactly what ya mean.  Chalk it up to lack of experience


Marshalzu
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Member Elite
since 2001-02-15
Posts 2681
Lurking
6 posted 2002-10-10 09:46 AM


A very enjoyable read and a very good write, thank you for sharing it with us

Andrew

Always and forever

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