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MissKlarmic
Member

since 2003-02-20

Posts 70
Canada,N.S

0 posted 2003-03-29 09:04 PM

If things always happen for a reason do tell me why

Tell me why the worlds a bitter place tell me why people have to die
Tell me how swell things will be when the reasoning is clear
Tell me how glad you will be when the end is creeping near
Show me the tears that you've kept, locked away with a key
Show me those memories you've swept away with the lives that will never be

If things were meant to happen for a reason please tell me why

Tell me what's my reason to sit here night after night and cry.

Lindsay
Member

since 2003-03-26

Posts 59
South Dakota

1 posted 2003-03-29 10:07 PM

great poem!

i think it had good flow

i made me think

SixtiesChick03
Junior Member

since 2003-03-27

Posts 49
NV

2 posted 2003-03-30 12:26 PM

I can totally relate to that poem at the moment. GREAT POEM!! loved it. Cant wait to hear more

SixtiesChick03
Junior Member

since 2003-03-27

Posts 49
NV

3 posted 2003-03-30 12:31 PM

I Loved it..and i can totally relate to this poem at the moment. Keep up the good work; cant wait to read more.

majnu

Senior Member

since 2002-10-13

Posts 1088
SF Bay Area

4 posted 2003-03-30 02:12 AM

the more i say, eh

:

you might consider using puncuation.

you start 4 lines with tell me, 3 with if, and the other 2 with show me - this is quite boring.

while you line beginings are deadly boring, your content is ceartainly something to build from.

tears locked away is a cliche.

if you care to improve this i suggest you work backwards from the last line.

-majnu
--------------------------------------
Timid thoughts be not afraid. I am a Poet.

Albino_Jenn
Member

since 2003-03-03

Posts 105
Ontario, Canada

5 posted 2003-03-30 09:45 PM

Well I thought this poem was quite good, and I think the repition added to the poem...I am assuming you did it on purpose and it helps portray the feelings you are trying to get across..good job!!!!
Jenn

**It's better to be hated for who you are, than loved for who you are not**

Albino_Jenn
Member

since 2003-03-03

Posts 105
Ontario, Canada

6 posted 2003-03-30 09:47 PM

Oh ya and CANADA ROCKS...just thought I would add that!!!!

**It's better to be hated for who you are, than loved for who you are not**

straindmind
New Member

since 2003-03-24

Posts 9
MI, usa

7 posted 2003-03-31 01:33 PM

not many guys will admit that we feel the same things sometimes! but i do. guys have feelings too, and some like me like to express ourselves great poem!

MissKlarmic
Member

since 2003-02-20

Posts 70
Canada,N.S

8 posted 2003-03-31 01:49 PM

lol canada does rock! and thnx for the advice , i kno everyone thinks guys n girls r different in thought but really ah its just who you are thats different in thought its got nothing to do with what sex u are. thanks alot you guys

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