Taken Away and Back ( done )

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Riley

Senior Member

since 2002-07-18

Posts 1038
in the pouring rain

0 posted 2002-10-02 07:22 PM

slipping through my fingers
the tiny grains of sand
that make up a relationship
quietly yet viciously
tearing through my soul
one sliver at a time
trying to hold on so tightly
you want to as well i can tell

i am scared to mention anything to you
making me shake within myself
my confidence is gone 'round you
swept away like a worthless dirt
rags clean my sooty face
hoping that they can wash my tears
that turn to sweet pearls before you

laugh now please for tears aren't worth
the shame and mercy i give forth to them
buring my face into your clothes
hoping that comfort shall come

the sweet smell of your shirt
shall surrender my relentless being
faultering antics brushed aside
by the warfare that keeps me afloat
only by the tips of my fingers

but now submerging the stagnant water
my breath shortens and loses grip
gone to the murky depths
my pitiful soul
love is floating on top of the water

resting upon the wooden floor
is my rosy cheek shunned from the cold
your kiss tender and soft warms it
only in my dreams

far not is this a dream
but a simplicity of paradise
redundance i shall not give
or try for the most part

you might take away the feelings
but i shall get them back

i shall

~* Love humiliates you, hatered cradles you-White Olender *~

[This message has been edited by Riley (10-03-2002 07:47 AM).]

Local Parasite

Member Elite

since 2001-11-05

Posts 2527
Transylconia, Winnipeg

1 posted 2002-10-02 08:01 PM

I'll wait for you to finish it then.

Don't leave me hanging.

Local Parasite

Member Elite

since 2001-11-05

Posts 2527
Transylconia, Winnipeg

2 posted 2002-10-03 01:40 PM

This is absolutely wonderful.  I wouldn't want to critique this, because there's nothing I would want you to change in it...

The images and feelings are superb.  I can't do much to elaborate on what I think about this poem... it's so powerful, and the ending is such a strong declaration of prevailance of will.

This poem glows with such power and strength that it puts me in a state of awe.  Especially the ending... it left me in chills.  Sublime.

Beautiful writing again, Riley.  Another masterpiece here.

Parasite

Learn to place poetry before people
Before you place your poetry before the people.
~Andrey Kneller

Chloey
Member

since 2002-09-29

Posts 74
in a silver mustang convertible

3 posted 2002-10-03 09:51 PM

hey babe ur such a good writer i can learn a lot from you and i shall haha !

*$*Chloey*$*

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