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Teen Poetry #6
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revised poem
| Teen Poetry #6 |
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revised poem |
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aaron woodside Member
since 2001-09-26
Posts 256 |
Here's my new crack at it. Everytime my eyes rest upon you I must remind myself to breathe my heart grows feint when you look at me enthralled by the secrets hidden within the twilight fields of fireflies the glittering skies, that are your eyes helplessly gazing into their depths a lifetime could not be better spent lying so close I'm at heaven's door with your body wrapped up in my arms the warmth of your skin touching mine wishing this moment would never end I count the beatings of your heart and measure the rhythem of your breath smelling the fragrence of your hair I'm losing myself in your arms tonight thoughts of you and I, a passionate kiss the gentle touch of your forbidden lips pressed ardently thus against my own your "bubblegum" tongue tastes bittersweet and your rosy cheeks blushing slightly you draw me ever closer and tighter embracing as time stands still for us we lay content, without a care about.  I'm still not sure I'm happy with it.ex animo, Aaron Woodside IN NOMINE PATRI ET FILII ET SPIRITUS SANCTI |
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| © Copyright 2003 aaron woodside - All Rights Reserved | |||
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chasing rain Senior Member
since 2001-05-15
Posts 737Canada |
Hmmm...I don't know. Well written with a surreal touch, but at this point, it's not convincing. I'm not reading "into" it enough. Hard to explain, but it's what I would call "skimmy". All right, I know I'm being difficult, but once I figure out why...I may get back to you. Might be too late by then.  I don't know. Leah [This message has been edited by chasing rain (02-11-2003 06:34 PM).] |
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