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Teen Poetry #6
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ShadyMakaveli
Member
since 2002-08-21
Posts 128


0 posted 2002-09-30 12:45 PM



Fantasies of a life with you
Spending time with you, my love grew
Feelings strong, no longer containable
How I feel is unexplainable
Wondering if I even have a chance
Promise you a life of romance
Give me one opportunity
See how much you mean to me
I will not fail, my love will prevail
A love story meant to be a fairytale
Not a book, this is real
Not lying about how I feel
Do you feel the same way
Pronounce your love, I'm here to stay

© Copyright 2002 ShadyMakaveli - All Rights Reserved
ShadyMakaveli
Member
since 2002-08-21
Posts 128

1 posted 2002-09-30 03:03 PM


anyone got anything to say?
Local Parasite
Deputy Moderator 10 Tours
Member Elite
since 2001-11-05
Posts 2527
Transylconia, Winnipeg
2 posted 2002-09-30 11:06 PM


This is alright... once again you've used your usual style of aabb rhyme.  Another thing that bugs me is how you clumped it into one stanza.

Divide the lines and diversify the rhymes.  It will be a lot better in the end, trust me.

That's all I have to say really.

Parasite

Learn to place poetry before people
Before you place your poetry before the people.
~Andrey Kneller

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