Standing on the corner at midnight

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Allysa

Senior Member

since 1999-11-09

Posts 1952
In an upside-down garden

0 posted 2003-02-03 10:43 AM

Tradition finds itself
seeping from the river;
the stream of words
I portray the events with
escape like nothing even happened.
Transition fits it's way
into an overwhelming pattern
of right and wrong
sometimes it's hard to tell
which is better
and she walks with
a book in her hand
living the pages,
an alternate to this
rectangle world.

Noon reversed itself,
I must have overslept again,
or read the wrong time
because the daylight has
gone on a permanent vacation
atleast for the next few hours
and how am I
supposed to know
exactly where I'm going
in the dark?
The desire to paint my body
a continuous stream of
purple devours my brain
as I devour a bagel
and pop the seeds off the top
with my teeth.

What are you going to do,
I sing in german in the shower
to confuse people, but even I
don't know exactly what it means...
it's like my world... jumbled jubbed up
words that make no sense
and I really wish I knew for sure
if you called my house yesterday
because it would make this day
a lot easier to tolerate... it would
make my world a lot less confusing
and waiting on this sidewalk
wouldn't be so scary and cold.

I dreampt you broke my ring last
night and the stones fell out like
meaningless glass and pebbles
that represent the way you feel about
me and everything I have to stand for.

(there shall be more! but I don't like what already is...)

"Wie ein Quadrat in einem Kreis, eck' ich immer wieder an obwohl ich doch schon lange weiß, daß ich niemals ändern kann." ~Wizo

[This message has been edited by Allysa (02-05-2003 10:07 AM).]

xShUgArHiGhx

Member Elite

since 2000-09-26

Posts 3150
tRyIn tO fIt iN2 mY oWn ShoEs

1 posted 2003-02-04 01:53 PM

Why dont u like it?? I thought it was very well written and interesting..like a story unfolding almost. I enjoyed it so thanks for putting it up here even though you dont like it all that much so far.

Standing on the edge of the world
Now I don’t want you to catch me
I want you to let me
Stand up here and walk on my own

Skyfire

Member Elite

since 2000-12-27

Posts 3381
Riding

2 posted 2003-02-04 07:19 PM

I agree with Sugar

Monkey!!

Allysa

Senior Member

since 1999-11-09

Posts 1952
In an upside-down garden

3 posted 2003-02-06 10:14 AM

more...

I've already explained that I don't
love you like that, i can't love you
like that, I won't love you like
that.

We make friendship bracelets with
the string she shoplifted from the
fabric store and at the end of my rope,
is a bead and a knot;
you attach it to your keyring and take it home with you.
It's all of me that you can have, and you're happy..

[This message has been edited by Allysa (02-06-2003 10:21 AM).]

vlraynes
Member Rara Avis

since 2000-07-25

Posts 8229
Somewhere... out there...

4 posted 2003-02-09 02:00 AM

Allysa~
I have to say that I really like this too.
You've got some great lines in here and
some excellent imagery.
For instance, I really love this...

   "Tradition finds itself
    seeping from the river;
    the stream of  words"

An excellent beginning to this piece.
And this...

   "and she walks with
    a book in her hand
    living the pages,
    an alternate to this
    rectangle world."

I just enjoyed the image and the 'idea' of this.
And this...

   "The desire to paint my body
    a continuous stream of
    purple devours my brain
    as I devour a bagel
    and pop the seeds off the top
    with my teeth."

I just LOVE that part...excellent.
This entire piece is just extremely well done.
I can't wait to see more.
~Vicky
"...until you have read the verse on his heart,
you have not truly met the poet.
~vlraynes

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