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PoeticGoddessOfDepression
Member

since 2002-07-02

Posts 439
I am everywhere

0 posted 2003-01-19 12:49 PM

I wish I could be perfect...
like you.
I wish I could conceal my pain...
like you.
I wish I could be...
like you.
If I were...
like you...
I could know your plan.
I could know
what to expect
from you,
what to throw back
at you.
I could know your weakness.

But knowing you-
being so perfectly flawless,
You're existence too incredibly good to be true.
You don't have a weakness-
knowing you.

(omg.. it's amazing how much people suck.

)

“I make an impact on lives thru truth as well as lies. I overcome ur eyes +leave and etched memory forever.
its my gift, my intentions are only well"

foreverwithyou
Member

since 2002-10-20

Posts 204
Wonderland

1 posted 2003-01-19 04:39 PM

who would this be about ????anybody i no??? prolly not???cuz i dont no many ppl yea anywayz going to shut up!good job man!!!
........CATHY...............

"I am who I am who I am who am I?"

Skyfire

Member Elite

since 2000-12-27

Posts 3381
Riding

2 posted 2003-01-19 05:35 PM

Aw honey I know it doesn't seem like it now, but whomever this is about, isn't perfect. You just may not be able to see his or her flaws right now. I promise you though, this person is not perfect. *hugs* Beautifully written.

devinechild22
Senior Member

since 2002-08-28

Posts 571

3 posted 2003-01-19 05:47 PM

This was so good and sad Sara. I know a lot of perfect people..I think. LOL Well there is a difference..there are people who think they are perfect and there are those that are happy with who they are which makes them perfect in their own way. Hope things look up.
*Allison*

"O My love
Please don`t cry
I`ll wash my bloody hands
And well start a new life"
-Good Charlotte

[This message has been edited by devinechild22 (01-19-2003 05:48 PM).]

Krystin18
Junior Member

since 2003-01-19

Posts 20
Ontario, Canada

4 posted 2003-01-19 07:34 PM

aaww omg thats really sad ! but i liked it!

dinky
Member

since 2002-10-19

Posts 258

5 posted 2003-01-19 08:09 PM

i luv this!!!!
its going in our book!!!! lol
hmmm.... perfect ppl???
i might know a couple of them, not really, no1 is truely perfect, but u no that, i think?!?
this was soooooooo good!
and sad. dont be sad, that will make me sad
*looks around*, i just felt like doin that lol dont know why, cuz i didnt really look around or anything anywayz...
this was great!!!
~samantha~ (the missing link)

"sometimes i just feel like
quittin i still might
why do i put up this fight?
why do i still write?"

lonelyone2032
Junior Member

since 2002-11-17

Posts 13

6 posted 2003-01-19 09:33 PM

aw i liked this poem! and like everyone else is saying there really is no one perfect evern tho it seems that way. neways good poem. keep them coming.
much luv,
~Ash~

WinterWren
Senior Member

since 2002-12-01

Posts 1044
...Coming to

7 posted 2003-01-20 12:33 PM

Great poem! I really liked it, no more sadness ok? Let me point out how imperfect whoever this is about is, They probably think they're perfect right? Or they act like they are, that makes them arrogant, foolish, and pompous air bags! Which makes them NOT perfect.

WinterWren
"I want you to believe in life. Will you find out who you are too late, to change?" -Dishwalla-

PoetryIsLife

Senior Member

since 2001-10-27

Posts 1763
...in my boxers...

8 posted 2003-01-20 03:37 PM

I truly liked this piece... it had this certain.... feel to it, that I can't describe. Just a taste. I wish I could explain myself better...

anyhow, it is a great poem. My only though is that it would flow a helluva lot better if the '...'s were taken out. The pauses seem natural without the extentions; otherwise, forced, which takes away from the great work that it is.

Just a thought.

The ending...

"You don't have a weakness-
knowing you."

seems a bit confusing. It seems to be talking about him, then switching over to you, without warning.

Maybe something like:

"You don't have a weakness-
my downfall."

Or were you going for the completion ending (not sure what it's really called), where you sum up the poem in a few words, such as, "knowing you"? Maybe then, delete the '-' and just put a period there.

Hope I didn't ramble too much.

~Titus

"A life unexamined is not worth living."
-Socrates

[This message has been edited by PoetryIsLife (01-20-2003 03:38 PM).]

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