»
Archives
»
Teen Poetry #6
»
Only hope (renamed)
| Teen Poetry #6 |
|
Only hope (renamed) |
|
|
wvplayernotreally Member
since 2002-11-06
Posts 215yakima wa 
|
* i was really disapointed with my last ne i didn't get much response and i thought it was my best one so i am going to try again...i dunno if this works* (i wrote it about a buddy whos obsessed with b-ball) Small town basketball Crowds cheering bands playing The ground shakes Halls echoing with chants My heart racing my mind questions will he make it? We have to go to the champs. Sweat dripping off his face The crowd goes silent thump, thump, thump Everyone is tense Swoosh...all net! The crowd goes wild The band echos with our theme "FIGHT, FIGHT, FIGHT FOR WEST VALLEY HIGH!!" The coaches finally allow a breath of relief His life revolves around basketball Thats all the thought about all anyone would let him think about this was his life his heart sank when the ball dropped Tears flood his eyes everytime Holding onto his pride he pushes on to the nex quater How would the school feel if he quit can he quit? he can't. he'll be pushed out of sociey yet again he'll be a nobody that can't happen, everyone is counting on him Even the teachers go easy on him All of the colleges want him His own life is nonexistant The ball went up, he went down Number 34 slammed him to the ground Silence, scream, broken Hes out, everyones gone, nonexistant " I think I got a tan from the light in which i was basking." [This message has been edited by wvplayernotreally (01-18-2003 03:51 PM).] |
||
| © Copyright 2003 Malloree - All Rights Reserved | |||
PoetryIsLife 
since 2001-10-27
Posts 1763...in my boxers... |
Did he make it or not?  I really enjoyed this piece, as a sports fan. You adapted it well.  My favorite lines are:"How would the school feel if he quit can he quit? he can't. he'll be pushed out of sociey yet again he'll be a nobody" and "All of the colleges want him His own life is nonexistant" The only lines I thought truly needed immediate work are these four: "When he didn't make it he felt bad that was the worst thing he could do in the world he lets the whole school down when it misses The crowd goes silent when it hits the backboard" Have you heard "Rabbit Run" by Eminem? This seems familiar. With work, it could be a song. ~Titus "A life unexamined is not worth living." |
||
|
CwboyAtHeart Senior Member
since 2001-04-14
Posts 541Selah, WA, USA |
-shakes head sadly- I don't give a rats behind about the west valley basketball team seeing as you guys are our rivals... But the poem was good, and you told the story well. Thanks for sharing this. - Cody - |
||
|
|
⇧ top of page ⇧ |
|
| All times are ET (US). All dates are in Year-Month-Day format. | ||
