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Teen Poetry #6
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| Teen Poetry #6 |
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wvplayernotreally Member
since 2002-11-06
Posts 215yakima wa 
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*if you have any titles hit me up, nothing seemed right* The ages that pass between us are far He remembers growing up in the 30's Myself growing up in the 90's gray and wrinkled, colorful and smooth His words ring in my ears whether hurting words or loving ones Every phone call ends with me crying Just me, no one else, I thought i was strong He always pushs me to do he best His unshaking voice rips through me But, he can always bring me down I can't stand up to this man Until one day, I was tired of this He said I didn't help my family I was a leech to my mother I took and gave little My heart was pounding my voice shaking from tears "You have no idea what goes on in this family, all you do is call, you have no idea that i am planning to buy my car, I am the most independent person here besides my mother" The line went silent, then his unquivering voice rang,"That is the most beutiful thing I have ever heard. Mal, You have the bet head on your shoulders. I am so glad my blood runs in your veins" Thats all I needed, that caring, the love My grandfathers passion fell over me Maybe I will write that book he said I could His years are sufficent " I think I got a tan from the light in which i was basking." |
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| © Copyright 2003 Malloree - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Star T Member
since 2002-07-12
Posts 182Philadelphia, US |
Thats really interesting and moreso the ending was quite unexpected for me.i thot it'd have a quite sad ending but good it didn't.and mostly i really felt u on the story.i always feel like i never measure up to the "required" standard but unlike u,it hasn't changed but i have..i have learnt to live with it.but i'm happy for u that ur grandpa finally saw the real u and loved u for it.as for a title for this poem,how about somthing like "Finally Understood". Thats the best i can come up with right now.a'ight bye.and keep writing!!!. **Only the wise can dance to the melody of life** |
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WinterWren Senior Member
since 2002-12-01
Posts 1044...Coming to |
that was a really good poem, I liked the ending. Well done! WinterWren |
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vlraynes Member Rara Avis
since 2000-07-25
Posts 8229Somewhere... out there... |
Malloree~ Wow...this is such a heartfelt and powerful piece. I felt this as I read and it touched me deeply. This line says it all... "His years are sufficent" An absolutely perfect ending. Beautifully done.  ~Vicky "...until you have read the verse on his heart, |
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CwboyAtHeart Senior Member
since 2001-04-14
Posts 541Selah, WA, USA |
The ending was very unexpected, but made the poem come together very well. Good job writing this, I enjoyed it. - Cody - |
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