Untitled - pipTalk Forums

How to Join	Member's Area	Private Library	Search	Sanctuary		Login
Main Forums	Discussion	Tech Talk	Mature Content	Archives	A home without a wall, Our haven without ends, A circle we all call Our Family of Friends!

Jaime

Registered

Member
Posts 250

0 posted 2003-01-05 06:07 PM

It's snowing
and when it snows
my eyes decide
not to fold,
They find you in
your place - your
eyes, your hands,
your scars - so that
I may catch you
unmelted and defined

I play in your
imitations, toiling-
looking for something
to rub my gems
up against to make
them rich with
friction and feeling

I light a cigarette
and look down the street,
transporting this frame
to you- snow turned blue
in the night, covering cars,
trees, houses..

I send you the snowflakes
that I collect on
my eyelashes, and I reach
with my cold hands to your
skin so that you might
know I am near
My mind wraps around
you like wire and
I hold on...

for within seconds
you will be gone

And she said, I thought I'd never see me again.

[This message has been edited by Jaime (01-05-2003 06:13 PM).]

PoetryIsLife

Senior Member

since 2001-10-27

Posts 1763
...in my boxers...

1 posted 2003-01-08 12:30 PM

Damn good.

It felt almost velvety, full of love, controlled passion, and a pinch of longing, melting together to create an enjoyed peace.

~Titus

"A life unexamined is not worth living."
-Socrates

PoetryIsLife

Senior Member

since 2001-10-27

Posts 1763
...in my boxers...

2 posted 2003-01-08 12:31 PM

By the way, I love the ending, memina.

~Titus

Cpat Hair

Member Patricius

since 2001-06-05

Posts 11793

3 posted 2003-01-08 12:30 PM

wonderful work here..good imagery and flow with a touch of surreal thrown in... and a soft romantic feel to it all.

Janet Marie
Member Laureate

since 2000-01-22

Posts 18554

4 posted 2003-01-08 03:59 PM

my eyes decide
not to fold,
They find you in
your place - your
eyes, your hands,
your scars - so that
I may catch you
unmelted and defined

I play in your
imitations, toiling-
looking for something
to rub my gems
up against to make
them rich with
friction and feeling

I light a cigarette
and look down the street,
transporting this frame
to you- snow turned blue
in the night, covering cars,
trees, houses..

I send you the snowflakes
that I collect on
my eyelashes,
=========================

read this the other night and had to come back...so many cool lines and images...
As I was reading the word surreal came to my mind also, as the Capt already said...love the edge of haunted longing and subtle sensual undercurrent.
Very cool write Poetess Jamie..like your style

on a side note...peeked in your webpage..very well done site....saw youre a Tori fan ...my daughter and I saw her in Chicago and here in St. Lou last month, was a great show. Love the way she touches her piano.

Will the wind remember the names it has blown in the past?
With this crutch, its old age and wisdom, it whispers no ... this will be the last.

jh

EleanorMoonbaby
Member

since 2002-09-02

Posts 202
England, UK

5 posted 2003-01-08 04:53 PM

I liked this a lot, loved the imagery. You managed to write a poem appearing to be about love without being overly saccharine. Nice one!
Ellie

"I'm terribly sorry ma'am, my karma just ran over your dogma"

	⇧ top of page ⇧
All times are ET (US). All dates are in Year-Month-Day format.