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Teen Poetry #6
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Allysa
Deputy Moderator 10 ToursDeputy Moderator 5 Tours
Senior Member
since 1999-11-09
Posts 1952
In an upside-down garden

0 posted 2002-09-25 11:23 AM



Raspberries
And candy necklaces
All of life's presents
Wrapped in one package

Together-

We nibble at each other's neck
And blow raspberries
Across our skin
Hugging and kissing
And screaming our way
Through life.

Thoughtless vengeance
Has found it's way out
And is seeping through the holes
I left in the world

Patchwork quilt
But unfinished
So many more stitches
But no thread remains
Nothing left to sew.

Together-

I make the world mine
And gift-wrap it for you.

Thoughtless vengeance
Has fought its battles
And is seeping through the holes
I have left in the world.

"You're the center of adrenaline And I'm beginning to understand You could be the best thing about me." -SG

© Copyright 2002 Allysa - All Rights Reserved
Local Parasite
Deputy Moderator 10 Tours
Member Elite
since 2001-11-05
Posts 2527
Transylconia, Winnipeg
1 posted 2002-09-26 03:09 PM


quote:
        Thoughtless vengeance
        Has found it's way out
        And is seeping through the holes
        I left in the world


All I can say about this poem is... it is a work of true skill.  Don't worry about whether or not I'm being honest, as you expressed in an earlier response to one of my replies.  I would never say anything unless I really meant it.  

This is one of my favourite poems from you, especially the repeated stanza that I quoted above.  Reading that just made me pause and read it again, and think about it...

That is some really good imagery... "the holes I left in the world."  Superb.

I've also noticed a prevailant theme of candy in your poetry as of late.  It's nice to see you writing with a common theme running through a lot of your writing, I think that's really cool... it's like something I'd expect to see in a compilation, should you ever create one.  An entire section about gumdrops and chocolate chips and whatnot.  

Great writing, as usual.  I'm left with nothing to do but grin and add this to my library.

Plus, I'm going to stop expecting an email from you.  
Parasite

Learn to place poetry before people
Before you place your poetry before the people.
~Andrey Kneller

Allysa
Deputy Moderator 10 ToursDeputy Moderator 5 Tours
Senior Member
since 1999-11-09
Posts 1952
In an upside-down garden
2 posted 2002-09-27 10:48 AM


I have limited time right now... so I'll reply to your reply later...

But I swear I sent you an email two or three days ago.... I'll try again.  

"You're the center of adrenaline And I'm beginning to understand You could be the best thing about me." -SG

Allysa
Deputy Moderator 10 ToursDeputy Moderator 5 Tours
Senior Member
since 1999-11-09
Posts 1952
In an upside-down garden
3 posted 2002-09-27 11:34 AM


Hmmm.. so you're one of those 'honest' people? Ok.  They're aren't enough people like me, I mean, like that, in this world...

I, however, am also one of those people who believes that they will never be good enough, and I tend to lend this quality to my poetry and my judgement of my poetry.  hmmm...

Have to go eat now... bye.

"You're the center of adrenaline And I'm beginning to understand You could be the best thing about me." -SG

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