This Chapter of My Book - pipTalk Forums

How to Join	Member's Area	Private Library	Search	Sanctuary		Login
Main Forums	Discussion	Tech Talk	Mature Content	Archives	A home without a wall, Our haven without ends, A circle we all call Our Family of Friends!

rOxXbabY391
Member

since 2002-12-14

Posts 71

0 posted 2002-12-18 04:04 PM

You said you really liked me
But I know that that's not true
Because if you truly liked me, you would have done the same for me as I had done for you
I was just so stupid, So stupid and nieve
To think what i thought, believe what i believed
But now I'm done with that chapter
That chapter of my book
'Cause I put my glasses on
And took a closer look
I know now what you stand for
Your secrets and your lies
The deceptive wall you think no one sees
You sit and hide behind
But I could see right through it
And YOU is all i saw
And piece by piece
We took down that wall
But you put it back together
Each time you didn't call
So I'm turning the page now, this is done
We had our laughs
We had our fun
But in the end, I got hurt
So I'm ending this chapter of my book

"I don't think I can make it through one more night. 'Cause how do you answer "What's wrong?" ~ when nothing is right.

nosceteipsum
Junior Member

since 2002-12-18

Posts 11
i look for a star to the east, a savior

1 posted 2002-12-18 04:13 PM

good lord girl. have you ever seen forrest gump? im sure you have. well as forrest is with running you are one writing fool. not to be calling you a fool by any means. someone said that a fool has no delight in understanding but in expressing his own heart. such a horrible hello. perhaps i should be ignored.

vlraynes
Member Rara Avis

since 2000-07-25

Posts 8229
Somewhere... out there...

2 posted 2002-12-21 05:35 AM

Emily~
Such a heartfelt piece this is.
You've penned these feelings well.
Nicely done.
~Vicky
"...until you have read the verse on his heart,
you have not truly met the poet.
~vlraynes

Heavens Tears

Senior Member

since 2001-03-15

Posts 677

3 posted 2002-12-21 02:27 PM

Great job Emily, I really liked this poem. Its always hard to close a "chapter" of your life, but most of time its for the best. Again, great poem, and I look forward to more!

CloudedDreams
Member

since 2002-11-23

Posts 210
My Fantasy Realm

4 posted 2002-12-21 09:09 PM

i like this poem, it had a few rough parts, but overall it was sadly enjoyable.

OtherSideOfTheMirror
Member

since 2002-12-19

Posts 245

5 posted 2002-12-21 10:03 PM

I'm not usually rough on a poem, but I like this one a lot so I'm gonna tell you what I think entirely. First the way it was centered was a nice effect, and the rhyming was sweet. It's really a true poem.

"I was just so stupid, So stupid and nieve
To think what i thought, believe what i believed"

I love that line right there. I think its spelled naive but I'm really not good at spelling so ignore that... but overall I thought this was really well written.

"But now I'm done with that chapter
That chapter of my book
'Cause I put my glasses on
And took a closer look"

I like the rhyming in this, how it separates the poem into it's own piece and throws the point out there. However I do wonder if you could say something other than "I put on my glasses" because I think there's more to it, I won't say "say this instead" because you are quite creative and I'm sure you can think of a million other words, (though don't get me wrong, I like it the way it is I swear~!). Just a suggestion. When I like something or see such potential, I wonder so much what could be that I must ask.

Wonderfully written, great analogy to the book, terrific job.

-OtherSideOfTheMirror

	⇧ top of page ⇧
All times are ET (US). All dates are in Year-Month-Day format.