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BrokenAngel
Member

since 2002-01-06

Posts 141
Puryear, TN, USA

0 posted 2002-12-17 08:21 PM

I couldn't think of a better title than the one I put down, until now this one didn't have one.
--------------------------------------------------

I decided to take a trip down memory lane
So I got your notes out
And the one picture of you and I

I looked at what you wrote me
I read the promises again
I wore my necklace for the first time since you said goodbye

I guess I brought it on myself
I brought the devotion back
I brought the love back

It’s strange
Even though she is your angel now
I still love you

Each time I see you and her together
I remember how it used to be me there
In the place she stole from me

Each time I remember how you always had to touch me
How I could never keep my body from your hands
But now it’s all gone

I would give anything to have it back
I miss you so much
But you don’t miss me

I know you never look at the notes I wrote you
I know you never look at my pictures anymore
I know you never dream of me

But I do
I don’t know why
Yes I do

Because I love you

Read my work and read my thoughts
I'll go back into the night now
---Night Angel

xxxnuttyangelxxx
Member

since 2002-12-06

Posts 72
New York

1 posted 2002-12-17 10:20 PM

*sigh* I deff can relate to this poem. I know how it feels to love someone and not be loved in returned.. i hope things are getting better for you. Very nice write, their was a lot of emotion in this... well done..

shea

Rainbowdust
Member

since 2002-12-05

Posts 320
Sydney, Australia

2 posted 2002-12-17 10:27 PM

Oh man, have there been points in my life exactly like what you described here! I think this is a beautifully written poem; simple and expressive. I've added it to my library!

The soul would have no rainbows, had the eyes no tears.

vlraynes
Member Rara Avis

since 2000-07-25

Posts 8229
Somewhere... out there...

3 posted 2002-12-21 02:30 AM

BrokenAngel~
Oh yes...this one touched deep...very deep.
Reached in and grabbed my heart, it did, and
it refuses to let go. I know these feelings
all too well and you've penned them so well.
I felt every word of this as I read, and
it brought back so many memories.
Excellent write.
~Vicky
"...until you have read the verse on his heart,
you have not truly met the poet.
~vlraynes

OtherSideOfTheMirror
Member

since 2002-12-19

Posts 245

4 posted 2002-12-21 11:50 AM

Nice job with this. I've read a lot of your stuff and this is probably the one where I felt your position the most.

I like the last part, especially the rhyme scheme:

"But I do
I don’t know why
Yes I do

Because I love you"

I think that's the best part of the poem, and the beginning actually. The ends you have very strong, but I think the middle could flow better? I dono I mean its fine the way it is, but seeing how powerful the beginning and end are makes me wonder what you could do if you applied that to the whole thing. Nice job either way! I love reading your stuff as you are completely honest, gentle, yet not sugar-coated. Keep it up.

-OtherSideOfTheMirror

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