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Hallucination
Member

since 2001-03-18

Posts 419

0 posted 2002-09-23 10:29 PM

"Here To Stay"
(09/24/02)
© 2002 Brian Eggertsen, All Rights Reserved

I'm trapped in this place of wanting you so,
Thoughts of me never Letting you know.
And I'm so confused don't know what to do,
More then anything I want to tell you.
What have been building up inside of me,
You're so far away my love you can't see...
So everynight I pray
Hoping that maybe someday,
This void will walk away
And you will be here to stay....

Feel tingely inside when I see you face,
My heart scips a beat wanting your embrace.
One night on the couch Is all I wish for,
To remember you by forever more.
I do cherish you, everything you are,
But darling for now you can't reach my heart...
So everynight I pray
Hoping that maybe someday,
This void will walk away
And you will be here to stay....

If you called me this instant
Told me to come pick you up,
I would be there right away
To hold you make you feel loved...
But everynight I pray
Hoping that maybe someday,
This void will walk away
And you will be here to stay....

devinechild22
Senior Member

since 2002-08-28

Posts 571

1 posted 2002-09-23 10:36 PM

i`m going through what tis poem is all about. it made me have mixed emotions and that is hard to do. u r a reat writer and i got a lot from this poem. keep writin i enjoyed this one.

quietlydying

Senior Member

since 2001-06-10

Posts 935
the wonderful land of oz

2 posted 2002-10-16 02:22 AM

this is actually the second piece by you i've read tonight. but i can't compare them because well, these aren't lyrics, and the other one wasn't a poem.

but i still enjoyed it nonetheless. thanks for the read.

::smiles::

good write.

/jen/

at first i wondered why white oleander was in the six dollar bargain bin.

and then i read it.

Local Parasite

Member Elite

since 2001-11-05

Posts 2527
Transylconia, Winnipeg

3 posted 2002-10-16 12:46 PM

I don't think you should have ended with the familiar repetition you introduced. You should try to end your poetry on a stronger note than one that is reiterated throughout the poem.

Poetry is a bit different than songwriting. Repetition has to be more carefully served out...

Parasite

Learn to place poetry before people
Before you place your poetry before the people.
~Andrey Kneller

Dopey Dope

Moderator

Member Patricius

since 2000-08-30

Posts 11132
San Juan, Puerto Rico

4 posted 2002-10-17 04:35 AM

I really liked this. Pretty straight forward in style, but nonetheless a good piece.

This post has been brought to you by the 'Totally Awesome Society of Puerto Rican Egotistical Sexy Men'.

Riley

Senior Member

since 2002-07-18

Posts 1038
in the pouring rain

5 posted 2002-10-17 08:08 AM

~* Love humiliates you, hatered cradles you-White Olender *~

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