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Open Poetry #22
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Once Scorned (A Sonnet)
| Open Poetry #22 |
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Once Scorned (A Sonnet) |
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Magnus
since 2001-10-10
Posts 14135South Carolina, USA 
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Ye know this man, I ask of thee, I do. From times of toil and strife upon the wave. Ye come this way, your travels taking you beyond the hill of flowered green, the grave. A chord of heart he strummed upon the chest from whispered lips to wining sips of night. The finger’s trace upon your valleys blessed twas swirls of love in softness of the light. Yet from the mome’ the heart was turned astray unto the vision of one’s taunting face. The spurn of flame in scar of words will stay and bring to soul the fever of the chase. As love is but a word of letters few and hearts are broke each day in shatter new [This message has been edited by Magnus (08-31-2002 03:49 PM).] |
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| © Copyright 2002 Barry J. Tackett - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Earth Angel Member Empyrean
since 2002-08-27
Posts 40215Realms of Light |
"A cord (chord?) of heart he strummed upon his chest"---wonderful writing, but then I've come to expect no less from you! Thanks for "mome". Whenever I use it, I'll be thinking of you! Love, Light & Laughter Linda |
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Magnus
since 2001-10-10
Posts 14135South Carolina, USA |
Linda, you are right ...chord...me thinks I shall slip back and fix it...Thanx!! And feel free to use the mome when the mome strikes you..... Barry [This message has been edited by Magnus (08-31-2002 03:52 PM).] |
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Sunshine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354Listening to every heart |
Ah, indeed, sometimes this is the way it is, and still, we go on, and on, and on... enjoyed this write, Sir...methinks thy pen is once again in search of thy Lady... |
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VAS Member Rara Avis
since 2000-11-16
Posts 7450Oregon |
I love this line: "and bring to soul the fever of the chase." but my, I would have loved to have had an ending not so sad. Well written, though, the only thing that caught me up was the line with "mome'" but when I tried it by removing "Yet" so the syllable count would fit when using the full word, "moment" the accents were in the wrong place for the form. Sonnets are hard in my opinion, and you do them well. I don't know what to suggest to allow the use of the full word there. Call me *stymied* Whether on the shoal or on the shore, |
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Magnus
since 2001-10-10
Posts 14135South Carolina, USA |
KJ... Tis but the moment of thy day when whispers fall upon my ears Tis but syllables in display to write the words a lady now hears. I wait to be, I want to be on feathers of a pen and quill To write the love, this love we see till dawn does come and take my will. |
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Magnus
since 2001-10-10
Posts 14135South Carolina, USA |
VAS... Yep, that little twist of a word oft times saves me a syllable to get the count right as well as flow... I substituted Yet in place of another word which would turn the last Stanza in the direction that it should go... Oft times the word "but" is used... Trust me, I am still learning each day, more and more, how to write a sonnet... and I will easily confide that I am far from an expert, very much still learning.. And I do love comments and critiques are graciously accepted...Your candor is much enjoyed... Thanx.. Barry |
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Mistletoe Angel 
since 2000-12-17
Posts 32816Portland, Oregon |
 (big hugggssssss) Oh Barry, this is heartachingly beautiful, sweet friend, indeed many hearts break every day and I wish all the same many lost hearts can find new hope every same day! (sigh) This is heartfelt, sweet friend, we all love you so much! You have such a beautiful heart, sweet Barry, thank you for sharing!  May love and light always shine upon you! Love, Noah Eaton "Underneath your clothes there's an endless story..." |
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Bill Charles Member Patricius
since 2000-07-11
Posts 10619highways, & byways, for now |
Barry - enjoyed this write... BC |
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vandana
since 1999-10-22
Posts 10463USA |
enjoyed  |
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