(This is based on thoughts I had when I was a boy and was going through depression, saddened before I turned to God and have finally found peace now! )



Blood Beret
By: Noah Eaton
8/24/02

Shadows drift me by
Watching...
Watching...
People pass me by
Hiding their faces in their scarves
With chaffed hands in their pockets
Never stopping to talk
As I step out on my front porch
Into a black-and-white neighborhood
Skies latticed in angels grey obfuscated tears

What if God couldn't see through these clouds
I have been praying to Jesus countless days
Kneeling in the gutters of Picasso Street
All my perennials wilting like annuals
I don't see them blooming next spring

And I am crying blood from my eyes
Don't leave me standing on the ice
As I sing this song I bury my face
Under my blood beret...
And it breaks my heart

Endless nights in September
I sleep alone in my bed
I use all my strength not to fall asleep
Because I fear the reaper would take me
Yet I drown myself in nightmares
Cursed by all these epilectic seizures
Help me, I can't handle these vampires alone
It's too much for me...

I thought "What if Jesus was Judas in disguise?"
I still want to believe but it's hard to believe
There's a cheshire cat mocking me out on the apple tree
With a clair de lune smile that shakes like a maelstrom
Telling me "Can you reason judicatures with caricatures?"

And I am crying blood from my eyes
Don't leave me standing on the ice
Though I still believe in something
I don't know what that something is
And as I sing this song I bury my face
Under my blood beret...
And it breaks my heart

Red rain showers my body in September skies
Skeletons of days behind me sulfuring to ashes
Wishing I could just breathe to breathe
Thinking "Every day should be a good day to die!"
And I feel like dying, but I don't feel alive!"

And I am crying blood from my eyes
Don't leave me standing on the ice
Though I still believe in something
I don't know what that something is
I feel like running away
And setting fire to my dreams
If I could just alter my whole existance
But I am vulnerable to everything
And as I sing this song I bury my face
Under my blood beret...
And it breaks my heart

He said, "Hang on, be strong
It won't be so long
Hang on, be strong
It won't be so long
But God, please
I've been bleeding for so long

[This message has been edited by Mistletoe Angel (08-24-2002 03:44 PM).]

Thanks for the hanky warning, Noah...
It was really needed for this one!

Oh how horrible that depression must have been and I am so happy that you found us here and that you are now surrounded by a loving family of friends...

And I would also like to tell you... that your writing is insufferably wonderful...
I could feel your pain pouring from the words.
Thank you for sharing this powerful piece of your reality with us.
~ lots of hugs for you, sweetie

Lyra

copyright2002 Lyra Nesius

"poetry is life distilled"  Gwendolyn Brooks