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Open Poetry #21
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thanks, that was fun
| Open Poetry #21 |
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thanks, that was fun |
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Elizabeth Cor Senior Member
since 2000-10-13
Posts 879Over the river and through the woods 
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you fondle the walls with implicating whispers and jump back bewildered when they return the sighs the clandestine rummage for beautiful creatures in your blue, crystalline underworld flaunt every temptation and yank back all liability lick and recede the sultry flames of a parody devil amazing how in between the recycled lyrics and self-pity for the wounded Prince as he picks the scabs from his old affairs we trust in what you believe yourself to be but to careful ears who have slept to the screeches of blood glazed throats and the panting infamous demons your narratives begin to wind; a record forwards and backwards layered in howls… the speeches suspiciously proverbial I understand now: it’s easier to see with selective sight tattoo us callous, heartless sirens as if, you fool, the tears spent on your shoulders count for nothing as if our own tolerance is somehow less than yours… the hypocritical testimony: “I’m still here” and amongst all the grief, crashes, and chaos could you ever doubt that I loved? ~that sharp laugh you abhor~ yet, you can self-righteously whimper -- after two years of such vicious battle -- that you were simply used and flung to the side martyr idyllic and bruised… another grate to your vinyl groans, another love lost : taking blame, where it fits but throwing fits of defense when you might finally be judged must polish that perfect impression for this girl, the next whine over the past that has failed you bullet out that history all the hearts and whores you’ve won and assure your most recent Pedestal Princess that this time is different… no struggles no straggles no broken heart when what you wont admit is the failed expectations simply mean there’s still work involved and instead of departure, you choose condemnation to wallow in your disenchantment waiting for the next angel out… I wonder, if you could strip the choice elements as parchment what made each of us some holy possibility, one unreachable divine regret: that singular facet lost slice us like paper dolls stitch it up and dye it blonde the instant perfect girlfriend – just add water! oh, god, I want to gag or guffaw forgive me if I’m mistaken, but I think I’ve performed this drama before: the plane, the poetry, the promises somehow strikes a chord familiar ~shaking head, more sorrow than resentment~ I remember everything about you that made it worth it, to lie to myself I’ve broken my own spirit and my own promises but I’d rather eat my words than anymore of your bull~ so, thanks, that was fun decided not to follow my ambition to be your favorite ex-girlfriend but I wanted to wish you luck in your new disappointment I trust you’ll gain and lose all you hope for well, it’ll make a good story for next time, right? [This message has been edited by Elizabeth Cor (06-16-2002 10:57 PM).] |
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Toad Member
since 2002-06-16
Posts 161 |
Ouch! I’m glad I’ve never upset you (mental note to self: do not under any circumstances upset anyone at this site ESPECIALLY anyone whose name starts with an E and ends with lizabeth Cor).  You can generally tell good poetry, it’s got something tangible you feel you can almost touch or taste as you read it. This was very tangible. |
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Elizabeth Cor Senior Member
since 2000-10-13
Posts 879Over the river and through the woods |
~saddishsmirk~ Thanks, Toad. Tangible, sure. Good poetry? Heh. No. I'm proud of this one... but not for its poetic aspects. |
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Toad Member
since 2002-06-16
Posts 161 |
I agree entirely with whatever you say (mental note to self RUN I think you upset her). I think what I meant was that sometimes poets manufacture the feelings that the poems inspire, the best poets are so good at it you get the feelings without realizing they were consciously constructed. Occasionally the feelings, or the reasons for those feelings, are so strong they infuse the poem with that touchy tasty tangibility thing I was talking about, it could be argued that they actually create the poem, same feelings different reasons – both make good reading. Anyhow, whatever the reason this had IT. |
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the_loner_23 Member Ascendant
since 2002-06-08
Posts 5479Jacksonville, Florida, USA |
Speechless Cold hands means a warm heart |
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Elizabeth Cor Senior Member
since 2000-10-13
Posts 879Over the river and through the woods |
~side-eyes to toad~ heh. thank you for your explanations of explanations... I'm not evil. no. really. loner, thanks for stopping in. |
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Kethry Member Rara Avis
since 2000-07-29
Posts 9082Victoria Australia |
Elizabeth, I agreed with Toad, your poetry has an indefinable and infinite ability to reach out and touch the spirit. Kudos Kethry Here in the midst of my lonely abyss, a single joy I find...your presence in my mind. Unknown |
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Temptress
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 1999-06-15
Posts 7136Mobile, AL |
Well  I really don't know what to say about this except that in the emotional state of mind I'm in I think it made me cry harder. Powerful to me..and..you may not be proud of it for its poetic aspects, but I am. Loved this and needed to read this I think. Bumping.. How grave is my condition, for I cannot find the words to say, I need you so. |
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woodtic Member
since 2002-01-06
Posts 87 |
Smokin good write of a tangled tale. Love in the loss always prevails, on the bitter sences reactions so deep. From off of your page the feelings do seep. Literaly leap right into your heart. I feel pain at the place that causes the art. |
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Tiersdin Member Elite
since 2000-11-17
Posts 2364east coast |
Well said... bravo! ~R.T. "I shall never bond again, as I have bonded with you..." |
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Sunshine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354Listening to every heart |
Right... fodder for the foolish... another story, another time... Well done, Elizabeth! |
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Goodknight Member Elite
since 2002-06-15
Posts 2386Ohio, USA |
well said - wonderful words and well constructed - Paul |
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Sven
since 1999-11-23
Posts 14937East Lansing, MI USA |
toad hit the nail on the head. . . I'm not sure where this came from, but. . . I know that it's a place better left. . . ----------------------------------------------------------- To the world, you may only be one person. But to one person, you may be the world. |
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Poet deVine
Administrator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-05-26
Posts 22612Hurricane Alley |
I've read this several times since you posted it. Each time I feel YOU get stronger and stronger in your words. It's better to let it all out than hold it in....and I'm glad you don't get mad at ME! This is a wonderful poem (I understand).  |
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Elizabeth Cor Senior Member
since 2000-10-13
Posts 879Over the river and through the woods |
everyone, thank you... special notes to Temptress and deVine: WISH someone had written something like this awhile ago... had I come across it, might have made my best recent decisions much sooner... and for that reason, I am SO glad to sate you, Jen, hope everything works out... Sharon: your reply means a terrible amount to me, for reasons I hope you (again) understand ~smile~. |
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Poet deVine
Administrator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-05-26
Posts 22612Hurricane Alley |
Yes, my dear. |
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ethome Member Patricius
since 2000-05-14
Posts 11858New Brunswick Canada |
Dear God you scare me... "amazing how in between the recycled lyrics and self-pity for the wounded Prince as he picks the scabs from his old affairs we trust in what you believe yourself to be" "yet, you can self-righteously whimper -- after two years of such vicious battle -- that you were simply used and flung to the side martyr idyllic and bruised… "but I wanted to wish you luck in your new disappointment I trust you’ll gain and lose all you hope for well, it’ll make a good story for next time, right?" I promise....I'll try and love you. I do know how it goes.....and maybe just maybe you'll see in me something that will revive the love you lost. If it doesn't work out then I will treat you with respect. Honestly, I'm speaking for many men that are innocent! One of the most emotionally filled poems I've read in quite a while! another grate to your vinyl groans, another love lost : taking blame, where it fits but throwing fits of defense when you might finally be judged must polish that perfect impression for this girl, the next whine over the past that has failed you bullet out that history all the hearts and whores you’ve won and assure your most recent Pedestal Princess that this time is different… no struggles no straggles no broken heart when what you wont admit is the failed expectations simply mean there’s still work involved and instead of departure, you choose condemnation to wallow in your disenchantment" |
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Pilgrimage Member Elite
since 2001-12-04
Posts 3945Texas, USA |
Hey! I know this guy -I was married to him for eight horrible years. This exact guy! You described him to a 'T'. Nan |
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Nicole Senior Member
since 1999-06-23
Posts 1835Florida |
It's hard for me to understand how people can see hateful, lashing-out, 'scary' emotions in this - I see pain, and resolution - and blissfully wonderful honesty. Too many people would like to cover things up with pretty words instead of hear the brutal truth. Maybe that's where the fear lies? There is love, and compassion in this poem - and the pain and hurt when it is misused. So many facets, so many layers. I loved being able to see the first draft of this, and then watch as you tightened and perfected. Like an artist, carving wood to life. Some lines I found particularly poignant:as he picks the scabs from his old affairs we trust in what you believe yourself to be as if, you fool, the tears spent on your shoulders count for nothing as if our own tolerance is somehow less than yours… and instead of departure, you choose condemnation to wallow in your disenchantment waiting for the next angel out… I'll just start pasting the whole poem back down again, but you get the idea...I really liked this. I loved seeing it worked out, and how well the final turned out. This is not a shallow puddle-like evil poem, this is well thought out and much deeper than it appears. shh dahling |
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Christopher
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 1999-08-02
Posts 8296Purgatorial Incarceration |
i agree that it is deeper than some might be allowing it - i disagree on it not being a lashing-out poem. i understand the emotions behind it as well as anyone could - we know this - however, it seems somewhat irresponsible to paint a picture without using all the colors. you can still end up with a really nice painting, but what it represents isn't reality... instead, as with much good artwork, it shows the artist's perception of... whatever. that's good. in this case, what i see is a woman who's been hurt and is lashing out. i see her taking the pain and filling it in with the colors she chooses, while foregoing the others that would put it into the context of reality. for the most part, i think it's a good poem, though i'd like to see that saddish smile remember the other grins it's put on, and the words you don't see here in this poem... instead of the words taken out of context and twisted around. with that change, it might be a good release poem instead of what seems to me a one-sided rant. |
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Skyfyre Senior Member
since 1999-08-15
Posts 1906Sitting in Michael's Lap |
*chuckle* Well ... uhm ... ? No ambiguity here. I wouldn't quite call it a lashing-out ... but I'm pretty sure the release felt good nonetheless. I believe it is, as Nicole said, a healing poem. On the content, there are always times when we, as flawed beings, insist on idealizing things. Not surprisingly, we are almost always disappointed. Some of us just make a career out of it ... Your image of the paper dolls was quite apt, although the "instant girlfriend - just add water" detracted from the image (sorry, it was funny, but broke the flow).  On your comment about "I wish someone had written something like this earlier ..." -- do you really think it would have mattered? *hugs* Glad to know you're still among the living. Drop me a line sometime. ~Moi |
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Elizabeth Cor Senior Member
since 2000-10-13
Posts 879Over the river and through the woods |
'nother smile to Sharon. ethome & Pilgrimage, thank you! Nic, sigh. can I just say thank you and have you know the full of what your reply means? Grateful for your interpretation, for seeing this exactly as it was intended… ~smile~ and for helping to get this OUT by allowing me to be honest with myself through consent, tolerance, and understanding, and most importantly, through example. Can I have my lollipop now? ~~~ “i agree that it is deeper than some might be allowing it … i understand the emotions behind it as well as anyone could - we know this - however, it seems somewhat irresponsible to paint a picture without using all the colors. you can still end up with a really nice painting, but what it represents isn't reality…” Chris, you’ve nailed it! Exactly what the author was describing: a person who chooses to “paint” one side using only flattering shades instead of simply acknowledging reality. Which is irresponsible not only to himself and his own well-being, but to all those around him whom it harms. Excellent interpretation! However it’s not a poem written out of grief, a woman “lashing out” in anger, or agony… instead, she’s past the pain… and shaking her head at all the pretty colors she once swallowed and tried -- against all her better instincts -- to believe in. Thanks for your input! ~~~ Linda, “On the content, there are always times when we, as flawed beings, insist on idealizing things. Not surprisingly, we are almost always disappointed. Some of us just make a career out of it ...” ROFTLMAO! about the “just add water” yeah, yeah, I know… again, wasn’t trying for award winning poetry… just trying to make a point with something that wasn’t nauseating to the viewers… healing, yes, with a sense of triumph… and you know what? You’re right… I had to come to this conclusion myself, this late, and it was under my nose the whole damn time… someone else’s poetry wouldn’t have made a whole hell of a lot of difference. Thank you so much for replying, I needed that chuckle myself. and dropping a line. er, yeah. I can do that. ~sheepish glance~ |
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Temptress
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 1999-06-15
Posts 7136Mobile, AL |
okies...I'm putting you in my library so I can read you since you don't post that often, and because I'm annoyed that the last post you made dropped again somehow and I think its needs to be read more.  My way of searching for it. jenn finished with long explanation... How grave is my condition, for I cannot find the words to say, I need you so. |
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Elizabeth Cor Senior Member
since 2000-10-13
Posts 879Over the river and through the woods |
wow. jenn, thank you so much. i'm grateful and extremely flattered. brightened my day, you did. |
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serenity blaze Member Empyrean
since 2000-02-02
Posts 27738 |
well, it’ll make a good story for next time, right? remember? smile... "life, well lived, should be good writing material..." K.Hood--grin? sigh... loveyou |
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