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Open Poetry #21
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Jaime's quivering quill
| Open Poetry #21 |
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Jaime's quivering quill |
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Jaime Fradera Senior Member
since 2000-11-25
Posts 843Where no tyranny is tolerable |
From Jaime's quivering quill Reflecting, then and now At seventeen, I was a frightened, angry, neurotic, withdrawn, awkward, clumsy teenager. At seventeen, the school stank, the teacher stank, the house parents stank----well, everybody stank, didn't understand or was out to get me. They made me take math and made me go swimming, at least until one of the children drowned, and all the while they were going on and on to me about how stupid and inept I was. Actually I was mastering the art of beating up on myself when no one else had time to do it. I couldn't date girls and they all had boyfriends anyway. Janice Ian was a girl, and when I heard her song she understood me, even though I was a guy. Want to read more of this mindless dribble? I never did anything and never went off campus; and if I went anywhere at home, while on "vacation," it was because somebody took me. No one ever told or taught me that it could be any different. In other words, I was miserable, dirty, isolated, ignorant and confined ... And I could hear. Music was a kind of escape, a refuge of sorts, something I could do all by myself without being picked on and made fun of. These were the sound tracks to the first times of my life. And these were the glory days of top-40 AM roc; when over-carbonated radio jocks announced The Beatles, Bad Finger, the Carpenters, the Guess who, Kiss and Yes. It was waking up Sundays to Kacy caysum’s American top 40. It was the kinks, The Who, The Monkeys and the Band. It was steely Dan and Stevie Wonder, Stevie Ray and steven stills. It was Iron Butterfly and The Electric Light Orchestra. It was Grace Slick having sex with a hundred men, had a child and named him God, chasing rabbits, and running around the world. It was Pink Floyd, Alice Cooper and Jim Morrison; Frank Zapa’s mothers of invention, and Jimmy Hindricks and BTO, the screeching, howling dementia of seventies heavy-metal rock. I collected albums and 45's, made cassettes of things I wanted most. I could hear, but I was never taught to listen. I could hear, yet I was confined in a kind of prison of my own and our caretakers" construction. I could hear, but my life at the school was often a frightening living hell. I could hear, but there was no one I could talk to, except maybe the "house parents," maybe the good ones, except they seemed always to be leaving for better jobs, and I stopped trying to bond with them, knowing they would leave. Then bossy nurses tested me, told me to wear hearing-aids, and things went from terrible to something even worse. It became harder and harder to read talking book records and cassette books---- until it finally grew impractical. Now. I live alone, as do many of my fellow blind, Like many I have worked at jobs that earned real money. I use writing as a kind of vehicle to get out whatever boils and festers in my system. And like the Berlin Wall, the Braille barrier is coming, crashing down. Go online, surf to the Rocky or the post, or any one of a hundred other newspapers and read them all in Braille over the morning coffee! Pick a print book right off the library shelf and read it in Braille right there in the library; or even better, make yourself a Braille copy and put that book back on the shelf! I still listen to music, though in a rather limited way, mostly stuff I have heard before, as there has been much damage, but I can still indulge in in fantasy and remembering times, the good old days that, in fact, never really were. Life is full before the operation. Life will be full after the operation. I may decide not to have them tamper with my "music" ear, do the left one instead. But even if we decide to do the music ear, they screw it up and make the music sound worse or even make it inaudible, I know I can always hear the music in my mind and in my heart, still fantasize and imagine that the good old days were really good. And what was it Kacy Caysum always said? About keeping your feet on the ground … And keep reaching for the stars? … ... And you may find somebody kind to love and understand you, some one who is just like you and needs a gentle hand to guide him along. So maybe I'll see you there. We can forget all our troubles, Forget all our cares and go downtown. Things will be great when you're downtown. Don't wait a minute more, downtown. Everything's waiting for you ... ... Petula Clark |
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Seymour Tabin Member Empyrean
since 1999-07-07
Posts 31720Tamarac Fla |
Jaime Fradera A very good write and I enjoyed the read. Alot of the symbols were after my time but I could empathize. You write well. |
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Midnitesun
since 2001-05-18
Posts 28647Gaia |
Smiling here. This Kacy will be downtown soon. And you can forget all your cares, well, at least some of them...and we will go downtown. And we will dance to all those tunes. |
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Midnitesun
since 2001-05-18
Posts 28647Gaia |
I forgot to put this into my library. SMILE. |
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ethome Member Patricius
since 2000-05-14
Posts 11858New Brunswick Canada |
Jaime Thanks for that, I needed to read something from that perspective. It's clears up my thinking quite a bit and revives many precious memories I can relate to all those musical artists. What a wonderful time it was listening as rock n roll music grew in many many different directions. Sadly, in my own mind I can't seem to grasp the uniqueness of music anymore. IT seems to run together to me. Although there are some great women artists out there now that seem to get to me more than the male artists. Love Alanis Morrisette and Jewell's lyrics and singing. I hope I see you downtown someday! We'll have a grand old chat! |
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Ivy Rose Senior Member
since 2001-12-29
Posts 1300MA, USA |
Jaime...I can relate to all the music that you gave in this self-portrait. Very well done, indeed. You may live alone, Jaime; but the music and the words live on in your memory and heart. They are companions from the past. Thank you for sharing from your heart and giving us this image of your world to ponder. ***Ivy rose |
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Tracey Member Elite
since 2001-08-29
Posts 2808where insanity meets breeding |
You’ve brought all the memories of those old bands back to me, especially love that Petula Clark song…I have it on an old album of my mom’s and still listen to it occasionally. It’s amazing what technology has done to improve the lives of blind people and others with disabilities. And the years ahead will only bring more improvements. Enjoyed this retrospective Jaime. It made me think. Everything is possible in the game of life |
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Duncan Member Ascendant
since 2001-08-07
Posts 5455 |
And what was it Kacy Caysum always said? About keeping your feet on the ground … And keep reaching for the stars? … ... And you may find somebody kind to love and understand you, some one who is just like you and needs a gentle hand to guide him along. So maybe I'll see you there. We can forget all our troubles, Forget all our cares and go downtown. Things will be great when you're downtown. Don't wait a minute more, downtown. Everything's waiting for you ... ... I can't get into words how much I enjoyed reading this, Jaime. Downtown with someone who loves you...ain't no place like it!! Forgetting all I'm lacking |
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